My ex has just told me that I'm a very bad person. That I think I'm so much better than everyone but really I'm just a horrible person.
Now I know this isn't true, my friends and family also cannot believe he says this.
His reason is after our split he doesn't see our girls as much as he would like. May I add he left us for a 19 year old?!
This weekend I am going away and leaving our daughters 1 and 3 with my mum, who we live with at the moment. So they call this place home.
He wants to take them to his sisters house but as yet we are still going through mediation to work out care. Our 3 year old has spent a few nights in his care when he was still in our house but not our one year old.
I understand and realise the importance of our children loving and knowing both parents and I never stop him from seeing them, we even still do things together as a family, FaceTime most nights etc. I just don't want him to take them to this house where I know last weekend he punched his mothers boyfriend for pushing his mum.. He assures me he's gone and it won't happen again but do I really want my girls there? Simply, no bloody way!!!!
I know they would never intentionally hurt them but his sister raises her children differently. Lots of junk food, soft drinks, late bed times etc. I just can't let them go there. I just want to enjoy my weekend away, which I never get, and know my babies are safe, happy and loved.
Does that really make me a bad person?
Am I a bad person?
Am I a bad person?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
3 Replies
No you aren't a bad person. You want what's best for your babies and you want them kept in the same routine. However unfortunately now that you are separated you have to realise that you won't always have control over how your kids are raised whilst they are with your ex or your exes family. He will have different rules and there's not much you can do to change this. I would say don't send them there until you've gone through mediation and until he has more experience looking after them himself and until you come to an agreement on basic rules and routines.
For the record I don't think your a bad person. You are going to have to let the junk food thing go however. He can choose kgs take them to Maccas, KFC etc and let them stay up late if he has the kids if he wants to. So start preparing yourself that he may not do things your way when he has the kids.
Honestly if you've not got any reason to believe the sisters ex is at the house I think it would be great to let him have the kids.
You're not a bad person but you are going to have to let go eventually. Your ex will raise the kids his way when he has visitation/his week if you go down shared custody road. And you will raise them your way. It's best to keep the lines of communication open and not shutting out. In the long run it is better as your both raising children and if you can raise them in the same way all the better. There are worse things in the work than junk food. Also as far as not letting him take the kids cause he hit his mothers abusivr boyfriend seems over reactive. I don't know anyone who would let that shit go. Has he given any other indications of violence? If yes then bring that into mediation.
More the point you are going to hav to let go of your kids soon one way or another. If you allow them to stay during this time would he be mor agreeable in the future? Think about what road blocks you bare potentially putting up now.