Just wondering if you could post this on your wall, if you feel its suitable and appropriate.
My eldest boy finishes Kindergarten this year with my second one due to start next year. Now as a first time mum of a child at school I was nervous, apprehensive and fearful...... Not of my child starting school but of the dreaded "School know it all Parents" I have been very fortunate to have found and made friends with some amazing and lovely parents but there are some that are just plain bully's!!!!
Why do other parents who have the capacity to attend P&C meetings, volunteer in the canteen, organise fundraisers etc etc feel the need to put down and belittle those of us who can't?
When you ask a question of an upcoming event, you are answered with "Maybe you should just read the news letter or attend the P&C meetings?" instead of just helping out another parent and answering the question.
Is there a need to make snippy remarks? Do they enjoy it?? Is it some form of power trip???
I'm confused, should I just accept this behaviour as this is a common theme amongst most people i know with children at various schools? I would not accept this in my workplace therefore I should not accept this at my child's school...... but for fear of repercussions towards my child I shut my mouth and keep my head down.
If I am cornered by one of these "School Know it all Parents" and asked "when will they see me in the canteen?" "when can I help with home readers" and I respond " sorry I either have to work or I have my younger children with me so its impossible for me to assist." Why I'm always given the same response "OHHHH that's a shame the children love seeing their parents in class or at school" ?
DO THEY NOT THINK I KNOW THAT??? and making me feel like a shit parent doesn't help. Why can't they respond with "that's ok, we understand life is busy"????
Would that be too much to ask?
Would supporting other parents be that bad?
I'm grateful there are parents who can assist with these tasks and no not all parents involved are bitchy, but the majority who are involved with organising events etc feel superior to those of us who have to rush out of work for 30 mins to attend an assembly when our child is receiving an award.
Why has this attitude and behaviour been allowed to continue? Why are those of us who can not be as involved as others made to feel inferior?
How can we promote change with these attitudes that appear to be so wide spread? How can we promote an environment of support acceptance and team work with our children if us as adults can't get it together?
We all have different lives, different commitments, different circumstances, why can't we all accept this and support each other as our children grow up and go to school??
6 Replies
I have some insight from the other side. Firstly don't underestimate how exhausted and burnt out those people who are volunteering and on committees are. My parents were those people. Guess what they both worked! And so did the other members of the committees or studied or got siblings baby sat so they could work in the canteen once a week. They were exhausted because if they didn't do it canteen didn't open, playgrounds didn't get built, funds didn't get raised and those notes didn't get written so they didn't have to take more time away from spending with us to answer the same question over and over again. My parents were the ones that went to every working bee, every meeting, every fundraiser and saw the exact same parents there time and time again. And guess what they heard the same complaints when people god forbid asked people to help. How rude of them. Yep I was lost my parents at least twice a week at night (left with a baby sitter) so you can spend your evenings with your kids.
I think that's the attitude that needs to change, your last line of "lost your parents to the school activities so others can spend time at home with there's" Is perpetuating the attitude of some parents are better than others or some care more.
No ones saying they aren't tired or have other things going on in life, however there are some parents who would love to help out more but are unable to. So why should they be made into feeling like a bad parent?? Why do they have to be snippy and rude when you ask a question that may have been asked at the last P&C meeting that not everyone can go to? Why can't they just answer? Some are unable to attend planning meetings, committee meeting but would love to help out on the day of events, but because the roles and tasks are divided at those meetings, once again some parents miss out and simply told you should have come to the meetings.
Most parents would love to help out more but are unable to. Your lucky your parents could afford a babysitter so they could help, many can't, so again why are they made to feel bad??
School and community spirit is important but at what cost? Family time for some is extremely precious like FIFO families, commuters, young children, sick children and shift workers the list is endless. Everyone's stories is different why can't this just be accepted? And those that can help, get the satisfaction from helping instead of putting those down who want to but can't??
Actually my parents were doing it tough! We were not well off, we didn't take holidays etc and yeah that babysitter was the woman down the street who would do it for free! My point that would be missed is they made the effort, they made it a priority but it's your problem if your going to feel guilty if they say some innocent remark about that's a shame, what are they supposed to say? And no you don't have to turn up at meetings to get a job, well not at the school we were at. It was nominate yourself on a note that you returned to school. But yet again it was the same parents time and time again, who have multiple kids, aren't necessarily well off but just chose to put themselves out time and time again while the other parents whined that x wasn't being run the way they would do it but wouldn't show up to give their opinion or change things.
I dont have an answer about the meetings and parent helpers but pls be awear your not alone their are only a very select few that I speak to at my child's school for fear of being judged by the others. Their is also an extreme age gap by about 10 yrs between myself and the next parent in our class. So your not the only one that is for ever trying to dodgy the cynical parents.
Say to them it's called having a job you should try it some time
We call them "The Mummy Mafia" I joined the P&C this year and haven't been able to attend every meeting and they are so bitchy. I took a role and fulfilled it but it's never enough. Help out doing homereaders everyday it's still not enough.
It was and always has been the same.
It's intimidating to newcomers to the school but it will probably always be that way.