Advise please.....
My DD recently did something really, really, really stupid that could potentially have affected the rest of her life. She has been caught stealing from her place of employment. It is fortunate for her that the police have not been involved and we have been able to resolve the matter with her now former boss.
However, the more I think about it the harder I am finding it is to let got and forgive. I suspect that she was doing it for longer that she has admitted and has taken much more than she had admitted. I am worried that her boss will ask for more and I do not have anymore to give and that if we don't the ramifications on her. I want to talk to her and ask her to be honest but then on the other hand I don't think that I would believe her.
She has always been my rock and I am feeling devastated and lost.
If anyone has been through anything similar and has some advise it would be greatly appreciated.
2 Replies
When I was a teenager I did something that was terribly out of character and luckily I got caught the first time. I shop lifted. I felt like such an idiot and so ashamed of myself. My parents were really understanding and took the time to find out WHY I did what I did. I was punished of course and never did it again. What I think is important is to find out the why? Most people don't steal for no reason. Also she does need a punishment that can be followed through on, and is meaningful to her while the same time you work on rebuilding your relationship, while keeping an eye out without becoming super sleuth for any red flags.
If she owes more money than what she says she stole I'd sell her things to recoup the cost as she was the one stealing the money not you. if she has an iPod/phone/stereo/jewelry sell them all make her go without stuff ie new clothes and shoes. get her into an industry where she cannot handle money.
Also know that she will never get a reference from her employer that she stole from and a refused reference is just as bad as getting given a bad reference (which technically your not allowed to do) I worked in an industry where cash handling was always monitored and tills were used by one person only and they were counted before the person started and after they finished.
I'd take her to the police station and talk to one of the officers and get them to explain the ramifications of what she has done and what will happen if she gets caught in the future and a boss does decide to charge her. They can and should be discrete in the matter.
I'd be thankful for her ex employer for not getting the police involved however I would do it myself. The only experience I have is as an employer to teens and when they steal there reasons are pretty pathetic there are some with good reason but not many.
The police can't charge her with anything unless the ex employer goes to them but they can educate her for the future.
I hope you and your daughter can come through this and that she has learnt a lesson she will not forget. You have bailed her out of this one but ultimately she is the one that needs to compensate you. She will never learn if you bail her out. Sometimes we need to let them get into trouble so that they can feel the consequences you need to remember once they are 18 their juvenile records are sealed and cannot be used which means she would not have had to disclose the information in the future. Good Luck