19 year old is stressing me out!!!!
I'm needing a vent and advice.
My 19 year old daughter is stressing me out so much it has caused my anxiety to flair up after years of being able to manage it.
I am not sure what to do anymore 😕 she has no job and I don't think she is actually applying for any although she says she is. She steals my stuff eg. Perfume, lingerie, clothes, jewellery. I have even put a lock on our door and also her sisters due to this but anything i leave out on the bench that she likes she just takes. I've stopped paying for things for her that she wants. I let her use my car every now and then which I may have to put a stop to also. She lies constantly. The only housework she does is the stuff we "nag" her about but she is home all day everyday. Me and my husband bust ourselves at work and the thanks we get is this!!!
I just don't know what to do anymore.
TIA,
Stressed mum.
4 Replies
She's 19, an adult. So treat her like one. Im going to assume she's on centrelink if your in australia. So like $500 a fortnight being shes still at home. This is what id do
*sit her down and lay out some ground rules
*she's to contribute financially. By paying rent. It doesn't have to be a big number. $50pw should be enough. That will cover food, room, elec, water, internet.
*she's to do her own laundry
*she's to buy her own wants like particular foods, clothing, phone credit and so on.
*she has 3 months to find a job or she can no longer use your car
*while she uses your car, she is to put fuel in it. So charge her $20-30 a fortnight for petrol.
*the taking of things is to stop, of she will have to leave. And fend for herself.
*she is to help around the house, or her rent will increase. Set her particular things like vaccume weekly, take bins out, do dishes a couple of times a week.
*tell her, that her rent will be put away, to buy herself a car once she's been working for 6months.
These are all basic things in life she will need to to do in the real world.
Thanks for the reply,
She doesn't get centrelink due to living here at home as me and my husband earn too much. She can get it if she leaves but other than that she has to wait until she is 21 or studying to be on it. Have enquired already.
She has the housework that she is supposed to do but does not do it as she thinks because her brother and sister (who are in school) also contribute to the mess she shouldn't have to. The other two have their jobs to do and do them without fuss.
It's just constant fighting with her 🙁
Don't fight with her. Just stop paying for anything other than food and essentials, including her phone. Perhaps tie that to doing her housework without complaint. Make sure she can't access your cash or cards. (My relative's child just started openly stealing those when cut off. Also stole from us but no consequences so he's still a brat).
She can't borrow your car until she can afford to put petrol in it. Hide your keys. Call her out on stealing other people's stuff & demand it back.
Stop doing her laundry or admin.
Basically, stop making her life easy. She'll yell, scream, call you names. Just keep calmly replying she's an adult now & needs to look after herself.
The reason you work your butt off is probably because, like me, no one handed you anything. Eventually she'll be motivated to work so she has money. Or move out. Now that'd be a wake up call!
These new age adult kids have a name now. I have one too who's 26. He's a lazy good for nothing stay at home son. Absolutely nothing gets these adult kids off their asses. Maybe we should be kicking them out.