I’m in a period of uncertainty right now and seeking some guidance.
I’ve been with my partner for six years, he is a good guy, respectful, educated, adores my two school aged boys (from a previous marriage) and everyone gets along well.
The spanner in the works - my ex husband is moving interstate and youngest son wants to go with him. Older son is at boarding school already (we live in regional north qld).
Partner wants to create a home and settle up north, will not leave his family and wants to fulfil his dreams of property ownership and being involved in beef industry.
I always thought I would end up on the land as well, but cannot shake this instinct telling me to follow my kids.
I don’t want to miss out on ability to maintain a meaningful relationship with my kids as they move through their teenage years and am contemplating moving south to be closer to my parents/sister and my boys while they are going through high school.
Unfortunately that would likely mean either going long distance or calling an end to the chapter with current partner.
I know genuinely good guys are few and far between and I’m really at a cross roads because my kids will be grown in a few years and off living their own lives and I don’t want to miss the opportunity to have a long and happy future with this man….but….i also don’t want to miss out on the next five years or my kids lives by being so far away.
3 Replies
I can understand it’s not an easy decision but nothing would keep me away from my kids. The fact that you feel this way means you could have regrets should you not follow. They are still needing you and you being there will provide a lot of security kids need. When kids are involved I think they should be the priority. If your partner won’t compromise for you, why should you for him?
I would stay with my partner especially if he is a good one. I love and adore my kids, my whole life is for my kids. Their needs hve always come first….But…we spend our whole lives raising the ones we can’t live without, so that we can live without them as they spread their wings. They’re teenagers, they’re going to start wanting to spread their wings, do their own thing. Once they’re adults they could move out or want to travel, or start their own family. They will and should out their own family first. So… Then what? You’re left with an empty nest and either dating or regretting it. At the end of the day, we’ve done a good job raising our kids if they’re comfortable enough to move out…your partner is the one you’re going to grow old with, he will keep you company, and be there to emotionally and mentally support you. Personally, love is all that matters…I wouldn’t leave the love of my life if my kids made the choice to go live with their dad. Theyre teenagers who could end up hating it and coming back to live with you. If this current partner is the love of your life don’t end things, maybe long distance and travel if you can afford it, but I’d rather stay with my partner and then travel to see my kids when they’re free or for special occasions. They’re at school all day, working, then out with friends, you will be lonely. I will put my kids before everyone else, majority of the time, before my partner, but not when it comes to a big decision like this. You need to think long term not short term. It’s not selfish to choose love and make parenting work. You can video call them daily, and turn up for events. Make yourself available for them. They made the choice to leave, you aren’t abandoning them. 🫶🫶🫶 goodluck with this decision xx
You call him a good guy, list all his good traits but you never once mention love, or not being able to live without him.
He's not the love of your life, he's a great guy, gets along with everyone, but he's someone elses' love, set him free, go be with your kids and hopefully the right one will come along. Don't settle.