My child’s father and I were together for years. He lied to me, controlled me, abused me mentally, verbally and financially, cheated on me and is a toxic horrible selfish “man”. We broke up for 2 years but lived separated under the same roof for half that. Well he manipulated me so much and made me believe that he has changed and I’ve STUPIDLY taken him back. Fast forward a few months and yep, he’s back to his old ways except this time worse. I want to break it off with him again, for good, but this time I want to take half of everything. Not to be a bitch but because of everything he put me through, the money he never let me have, the abuse I put up with, his cheating, his manipulation, his controlling, and how he took everything from me and has left me almost suicidal, literally. If I go ahead with this, is it possible to start from day 1, or do they just go by the last couple of months and forget the rest because we broke up and they don’t take the first years into account? I don’t know where to start?
How can I take half of everything?
How can I take half of everything?
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Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Health & Wellbeing
2 Replies
To get half of "everything" you'll need a lawyer/solicitor and from the sounds of the situation you'll have to fight, and he will fight back until you come to an agreement. Just because you are entitled to half he could manipulate and negotiate until you give up. So if you really want then stand strong and get through mediation reject every offer and hope the judge agrees to 50/50.
Be aware that 50/50 could include the kid. He sounds like he may manipulate and may use the kid to do so if he knows that will hurt you.
When I left my ex I made a list of everything that belonged to me or him when we got together and what we'd purchased together. I also made a list of what belonged to the children or the children used (including their beds and bedroom furniture and TV and lounge, toys, trampoline, kids plates, cutlery, cups etc)
My ex was agreeable and couldn't argue with my solid logical reasoning. I also have court orders to say as well as child support he pays 50% childcare/school expenses, 50% medical and 50% of one activity per term/season
When helping my friend leave a DV we packed and moved small things out, including clothes and linen and kitchenwares. Things he wouldn't notice missing that were hers. She'd hide them in her work bag or put things in the car when he wasn't home and she'd drop them to me or I'd go pick them up from her work when he got so controlling and tracked her every move.
Unfortunately when we finally moved her out we had to leave the big things (he wasn't working so we couldn't just pack it in a truck while he was out coz he never left) but we got all the important things and she is safe and happy now.
Think about where you'll go, what you'll need and prioritise you and your child. Are you able to leave safely? Will he try to stop you or harm you to stop you leaving? Sdo you have somewhere to go or will you need a storage unit while you figure it out.
What are you willing to do as far as visitation? Is it safe to leave the child with the father on his own? Be aware he will always be in your life if he is having contact with your child so also think about that when you fight for half because he could use the child to continue to manipulate you for years, so just think about what his response to every move you make will be.
I know it sucks but sometimes it's better to loose now and walk away with what you can in order to assure you and your child can move forward and start fresh and have a better life than to fight tooth and nail and leave yourself mentally and emotionally drained for years to come.
Good luck and prioritise yourself and your child in every decision you make
oh mumma, its not the easiest situation to be in.
seek a family lawyer through legal aid. they will be able to walk you through the process of a majority of this and then seek a counsellor so you can vent to an unbiased neutral person who can help you through the pain youre going through.
good luck❤️