How was I so blind to how toxic he was and how bad he treated me for so long? How did I not see it? 15 years he treated me like absolute sh*t, and I was just so blind to it. Then he had this way of manipulating me and having me think it was all my fault and getting me to apologise for his actions. When I look back on it all now, I just cry. HOW can someone treat another person like this? He has literally ruined my life. I feel like I’m going through a stage of grief now. I’m grieving the fun happy attractive person I used to be, I’m grieving for the happy fun mum I always wanted to be but never got the chance to be, but most of all, I’m grieving for my kids who had to go through it all. They didn’t deserve any of this. I wish I found a better man to be their dad. I guess he was always happy, he was always in control and always got what he wanted. I’m grieving the life I always wanted, but never got.
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