Mums - my eldest son (12) is starting boarding school this week and I’m doing it tough as the build up to the drop off gets closer.
We are excited for him and the friends and opportunities this will give him and he is 100% ready to go but I’m really struggling with the grief of it all and having him so far away.
Added to that is that his dad and I divorced 8 years ago and have a strong co parenting relationship but now that our son is at boarding school, the holidays will be split and we will only see him for half each. I’m insanely jealous of the other mums in our circle who still have their family units in tact and get their kids for the whole time, and feel an enormous amount of guilt for that.
Any other co parenting boarding mums out there with advice for how to soldier on when the mix of emotions all feels too much??
13 Replies
12 is so young. If you're in a remote area, what about distance education?
i don't think i would ever be okay with being away from my 12 year old and seeing them on holidays only, what you are feeling is natural.
you are missing such a large chunk of their childhood, hope it's worth it in the end, sending love.
Thanks for your reply, but unfortunately where we live (remote Queensland) we don’t have another option if we want to keep educating our sons beyond primary school. Boarding mums already carry so much guilt and comments like “I could never send my kids away” just make it sting that little bit more, we know very well what we are missing out on and I guess that’s the entire reason I came here for some moral support…. Not to feel even worse… unfortunately keeping them home (home school) also means they continue to miss out on the social, educational and sporting opportunities kids in the city have the luxury of having everyday. It’s a massive trade off either way…
I agree with this. I grew up on a remote property but we had a primary school (now closed) & we moved before high school. Otherwise it was a 90 min trip into town each way or boarding school. Home schooling would have been very isolating & teens need that socialisation & to learn how to function in general society.
Where I live now has a huge number of boarding schools & there are academic, social, sporting & extra curricular opportunities unavailable at home.
I feel for you, OP. But you're doing what's best & I hope you can find a way through. All I can suggest is video calls & if it's not impossibly far you could go once a term & check him out for the weekend.
I wouldn't live there if I had kids and I knew it meant seeing my 12 to 18 year old 7 weeks a year. Period. People move for a lot less. I would have probably moved before I had kids, as I would know this. Why have kids if you planned all along not to raise them from 12 to 18, the most informative years.
Yes, you have had another option for 12 years, move!
Thank you for not providing any support whatsoever on a page specifically designed for mothers to support one another with whatever they are going through. I hope you don’t fall and injure yourself when you fall off your judgmental high horse.
Australians will go pretty hungry if every farming family packed up and moved to the city when it’s time for our kids to go to high school?.
You have options these days, distance ed schooling is amazing now, all the kids with their videos on.
They also make sure the kids meet up regularly.
I live in a small town and my kids don't do extra-curricular and many others don't either, it's way too expensive these days. It's certainly not a necessity, just a luxury, not a reason to ship your kids off.
You also mention you have a "circle", so sounds like you socialise regularly, so your child would also, so you aren't that isolated.
You're divorced, so assuming you don't "work the land" alone.
You are choosing to do this, this is a choice.
The only reason I would send my kid away would be if they were elite in a particular field and begged me to let them go, so they could get the best training/assistance available.
I don't support a 12 year old seeing his mum half the school holidays, sorry, I feel very sad for this child.
I think family love, happiness and mental health trump extra-curricular activities and "opportunities" as education is possible for any child no matter where they live in Australia, with the technology we have.
In fact, I live in a regional area and the distance ed school in my area for families living further out, always outperforms the local state schools in year 12.
My cousins went to boarding school because they were rural farmers and didn't hear a local highschool. That was before most families even had dial up though. Things are different now. Distance education is highly effective if Australia was going to starve if families all moved that means that there are other kids out your way that could do distance education too. Maybe set up a classroom at someone's house and have them all dial in together? I think a loving home life out trumps playing a sport and that would be the only benefit.
Also, I don't say this to make you feel bad. You will probably find a number of kids really struggle this year... So I say this so that you know you have options when that happens
This page also supports kids.
It is not unconditional support for mums if we think you aren't doing right by your child, so stop using that argument.
If a crackhead came on and beat their kids, we aren't going to support that.
Look, obviously by replies you got below, you won't get much help or support here.
Having said that, I think part of is that our culture in Aus is quite different to other countries where boarding school etc are far more popular and commonplace. I would may be search other online forums from abroad for ideas and experience.
My 12yo son started high school this week. His literal dream would be going off to a boarding school lol but his school is 20min down the road. I saw a large proportion of parents carrying in their kids bags into school yesterday and then waiting at 3.15pm outside the gates. This is high school!
Good luck and know that as long as you and your child are ok, stuff everyone else.
Plenty of distance ed primary and high schools in qld. Charters towers school of distance education, Brisbane distance education. Jubilee Christian college to name a few. If you search distance education schools QLD HEQ inc on Facebook, in the guides there are approx 18 different distance education schools. My kids do it in both primary and high with Jubilee and thrive. It’s not too late to change your mind. Good luck x