My ex blames me for everything. I text him about a particular thing and he will send me a long detailed email where it all gets spinned into me being the worse mother. He brings up all sorts of issues some of these things are from years ago.
I can't communicate with him without him being hostile.
So I answer very briefly and keep communication to a minimum.
But sometimes I want to defend myself because a lot of it are things that are not true or spun around to make him look like a poor victim.
I get anxious when i have to email/txt. I only do it if it is absolutely necessary and his responses tend to go off track and blaming me for whatever.
Is there any support for post separation abuse?
I have to deal with him until the kids are 18 and it messes with my head. I feel absolutely worthless.
Abuse doesn't always stop once you leave.
In hunter region nsw.
3 Replies
That sentence is the absolute truth, "abuse doesn't always stop once you leave". That was my experience with my ex also, at times it was worse and its sooo hard to keep your head above it all and not get pulled into the drama especially when you're already emotionally vulnerable and trying to care for your kids going through major changes and the stress of it all. Theres not much left for you. Have you been through mediation yet? This can actually be a good thing for these people as they do get told how to communicate with their ex properly and they like to prove they aren't the problem so as soon as they realise they are ticking boxes for all the things they shouldn't do, they get on their best behaviour. Even if its just for show, its a lot less stressful. Let him whinge to whoever will listen to him but as long as he's keeping communication with you civil that's all that matters. When you're in mediation make sure communication is written into your agreement.
Get yourself off to your GP for a mental health care plan and make an appointment with a psychologist. They will be able to help you with strategies in regards to the abuse. You could also try contacting 1800respect or other DV services that might have advice. Organise mediation for care of the children. Include as much detail as you can. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, schools, school holidays. Once the care plan has been decided on, take it to a lawyer to get it made into a court order. Speak to a lawyer about financial settlement, if that hasn’t already sorted. Don’t forget you’re most likely entitled to a percentage of his super, particularly if yours is a lot less than his due to time off caring for the children. Speak to child support if you haven’t already and get them collecting on your behalf. Keep all communication in writing, so text or email. That way you’ve got a date/timestamped record of what he’s said if it’s ever needed. It’s easier said than done, but try to ignore his bs.
As soon as my daughter was a teen and could have a phone, I stopped all communication for the same reasons, the anxiety the verbal abuse gave me was driving me nuts. Haven't had to speak to him in years now and it's wonderful. My daughter as an adult now has decided to not have anything to do with him now as well.
Not sure how old your children are but if teens , you could make all contact go through their phones and keep you out. Otherwise maybe mediation to come up with a communication plan that has to be adhered too. It sucks, wish you the best.