Hey mums! Seeking some advice on how to tackle a co-parent issue?
I have two kids, I’ve been separated from their dad for about 6 and a half years.
Our eldest just got into a private school which dad wants nothing to do with. I’ve signed a waiver stating I will pay for all school costs and will do so with our youngest when it’s their turn too. I’ve always said I would choose a high school based on my child strengths which is how this school was chosen. Being a private school the application and enrolment has been done a few years prior. Dad did not want to think about and look at high schools until closer to the time, which doesn’t work unfortunately.
My question is, he is now saying he won’t sign the second child’s application for private high school. Yet, he signed for our eldest but throughout the whole process threatened to ‘remove his signature’.
There are no parenting plans in place. He sees the kids every other weekend but in that time they miss out on their sports (soccer and netball) which I know I can’t dictate what they do in that time.
I guess my question is, can I go to court to be the sole decision maker for their education? I strongly feel it’s something I do already without any assistance ie homework, assignments, events. During a recent mediation he told the mediator that I’m better at the school work and he is better at taking them on bike rides. Which in all fairness is a load of crap. It’s just because he doesn’t see his kids during the school days, he reneges all responsibility of their education.
Edit: since writing this, dad has called eldest child’s to-be high school and pulled his signature and consent. I’m at a loss. His message to me “ Tell me why do you think she needs to go to that school? They teach the same curriculum. Kids are turds no matter what school they go to so you can’t say it’s so she’s around better children.”
11 Replies
i'm a single mum, father is in their lives, but i just sign all the enrolment forms.
if he isn't paying, why do you need his signature?
just don't put him on the application, i did this, no one questioned me.
Also, what do you expect him to do, spend his limited time with them doing school work?
I'm a single mum, you have to be realistic about this stuff.
If he wants a say in his children’s education then yes, I’d except him to contribute to it somehow. Whether it’s time, a signature or payment towards it.
Why are you making this harder than it needs to be? I literally this year enrolled one of my kids in a new school and didn't even put father on forms, he also has every second weekend. If he's not paying, stop wasting your time and worrying about him. Unless you needed his address for the zone, obviously different situation, you need him. You're finding obstacles that aren't there.
The private school my daughter goes to needed both parents approval. It’s not to make things harder, it was what was asked. State schools however don’t need both party approvals.
The law:
"Sometimes, one parent will attempt to enrol a child without the consent of the other parent. There is no requirement for schools to independently establish that any decision to enrol a child in a particular school has been made jointly by both parents. So if the school is not put on notice of the dispute the Principal will proceed to enrol the child irrespective of whether or not both parents have signed the enrolment form."
Doesn't matter, public or private.
Just saw your edit, is he willing to go to court to fight you on it? I doubt it. I would seek legal advice on how to proceed i.e. you probably just need a well worded letter to the school. Are you asking him to pay? It seems strange he would be so against it if he didn't have to pay anything. Be honest, why is he so against it? Is there a partner involved on your side? Why are you doing mediation? Will the change in school affect his visitation, increase his travel time? Feel like there's a lot more to this story.
In this day and age with single parenting families, dv etc. there is no way a school would demand a father's signature if he isn't on the application and not responsible for fees. All they care about at private schools is who's paying. You should never have told him years out where you were enrolling them, you shouldve just zipped it, if you were okay paying. Just dont tell him anything, easy, a lot of us do it this way.
It's presumed that you have equal shared parental responsibility so regardless of your care arrangement, it's a decision that should've been made together. The court process is long and you won't have an order for sole parental responsibility any time in the next year I'd assume. You don't get SPR for nothing, you need to prove it's in the child's best interests and unless the father agrees it will have to go to final hearing. It also opens up the father to seek court orders as well. It's going to cost you heaps of money and you may not have a result in the time you want it. 12 months is best case scenario btw, it'd be more like 2 years, we're 2 years in and still no trial date, only mid process.
It’s hard to make a decision with a parent who doesn’t believe education plays a big part. I’ve been there over and over. Come May 2024, this is being changed in regards to shared responsibility
It’s hard to make a decision with a parent who doesn’t believe education plays a big part. I’ve been there over and over. Come May 2024, this is being changed in regards to shared responsibility