I’d love some opinions -
My kids are 7 and 9. I’ve been separated from their dad for 6.5 years.
Kids want to play sport (Netball and Soccer) however kids go to their dads every other weekend. He won’t commit to taking them to their sports events (currently lives 15 mins away but is moving an hour and a half away - this is a trend and he does this a few times a year).
Now, my kids missed out playing sport and are now old enough to understand they are being held back. How can I push for this? My husband and I would take them to all training sessions, they only see their dad Friday to Monday morning every other weekend.
We have no formal agreements but I’m in the process of starting court process as mediation did not work.
They currently do swimming and my daughter got to do summer netball as it was on Mondays.
12 Replies
I just had to accept my ex would not take them to sport. I took them to training and every second weekend. The team coaches were understanding of the situation
Thank you! I didn’t realise this was an option. I’ll reach out to both clubs.
Hopefully they help :) My ex took them twice I think over all the years and it was just for image purposes, consistency was never his thing. My partner actually helped me out hugely around my work by taking them to training two days per week and I would arrive half way through and take them on the weekends. Got to do what works. The kids were able to be involved and do the things they enjoyed doing. My ex was just too selfish and would never sacrifice for his kids happiness. He was more focused on trying to make things difficult and that's where he put his energy.
Their dad gets them a handful of days per fortnight and wants to spend the time with them, not being a spectator in their lives. Make sure your kids understand that he's not doing this to be difficult and sign up for every second weekend. It's very common.
My husband and I won't sign our kids up for sports on weekends either. Weekends are time we can spend bonding WITH our kids, not taxi driving/watching them. We do active things together, or relax together... Anything really. But the kids do sports that aren't on weekends, so they don't miss out. Our son plays sports after school and is also on a swim team. Our daughter does gymnastics and drama lessons. They both also learn 2 instruments each, 1 through school and the piano privately.
My point is that their are lots of options available to keep weekends free if playing every second weekend isn't an option. My husband and I were both big into sports growing up. I did ballet 6 days per week and my husband played rep football, soccer and was big in cycling. Having our weekends filled with sports is something we would go back and change if we could, hence finding activities that give balance for our kids.
What ever you do, don't make the kids think their dad is holding them back, that's not fair.
He actually is. The kids have been asking for years to do sport and I can only do a certain amount. He will happily come and watch them swim or play netball in the time I have them but refuses to take them on his own or drive any further than he needs to.
But, thank you for the insight. Half a Saturday for me isn’t a big deal, we have evenings and Sundays for bonding. But the lessons taught in sport and team activities is quite valuable.
I grew up with pretty much the same arrangement.
Dad collected us every second Friday evening and dropped us home on the Sunday night.
Anything that fell on his weekend I could kiss goodbye. Birthday parties, sport, community activities i liked etc.
He was too busy giving us the Disney Dad experience, which my little brother thought was excellent but all I wanted was for my dad to take an interest in my normal life!
I'd have given anything for him to have taken me to my games, drop me at birthday parties and get to know my friends parents etc. I guess I just wanted him to be present for the real stuff.
You're the primary parent, I'm assuming you make the majority if not all the big decisions regarding the kids anyway - sign them up for their sports. Hopefully that's enough to get Dad to come around, if not they just miss sport on dad's weekend but they shouldn't have to miss out entirely.
You’ve just hit right where it hurts. It’s not just sport, it is everything else ie birthday parties, play dates, rehearsals for musical events that needed to be attended on a weekend - they miss out as their dad won’t take them. Thank you - I will do everything I can to make sure they get the majority of their sports in.
Why don't you offer to take them to sports? If its important that they do it just take it on. You don't stop being a parent just because they are at the other parents house. It would be nice if he stepped up but he can't be forced, so really the only option is you do it or they miss out. Also tell him that because you will be taking them care will have to be rearranged to suit travel and sports, so if sport is on a Sunday they will have to be back in time for that because you won't be driving 1.5 hours each way every weekend.
That's unreasonable and would have lawyers called quick smart. His time with them is HIS time with them. Mum doesn't get to dictate it.
What could lawyers do if he hasn't even been through mediation yet? It doesn't sound like he has court ordered access at all. Maybe this will help him get his ass into gear.
It won't look good for mum if she's reducing his time with the kids. The courts are very clear that it's up to each parent what they do during their time with the kids and this often relates to things like sport, church etc. if mum wants to enrol the kids in a sport and the dad doesn't, she and the kids need to work around his time.
Courts only really step in where kids are at elite levels, i.e. Olympic training squads etc, national reps etc. Alternatively, custody can be made more even so that time at these extra curricular activities are made up if parents agree. I.e. if sports take up most Saturdays, dad gets an extra night or longer holidays etc. it needs to be by agreement though.
This is an American link but the information is true here too. Obviously it's best if both parents co-operate, but you can't decide how the other parent spends their time so looking at options for sports that aren't in their time can make things less difficult if 1 parent isn't on board https://www.lopezlawfirmdc.com/my-ex-i-cant-agree-on-our-kids-extracurri...