My partner messages his ex. Then deletes the conversation.
From what I have red there isn't much to the conversations, he shares pictures of our daughter and son which I don't like.
We have had issues regarding this before and has caused massive dramas. I don't trust him.
I've never really had much of an issue in him talking to her saying hi or merry Xmas etc. But there's no need to delete them and not tell me he was talking to her.
Not sure what to do. It's disappointing he keeps doing it over and over.
Really can't say much for our relationship can it.
14 Replies
Take your pride anf dignity and walk away.
Would you be happy if he stopped texting her, because you said so, but deep down still wanted to? You're second prize and deserve better.
If he's happily in a relationship with you and the only thing between them is friendship now, there is no reason to cut contact. Maybe he deletes the messages because he doesn't want to be isolated and told to end friendships, but realises that you are insecure? It would be more transparent if he just said that they're friends and didn't hide it, but I understand his thinking.
Honestly, unless he is crossing a line and showing romantic interest to someone else, I'd say the biggest issue is your insecurity. If you can own that and have an open conversation with him, you might find a way forward that makes you both happy. I've been very happily married for almost 20 years. I'm friends with most of my exes and my husband doesn't have any insecurity because he knows I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Some women collect exes like a heirum, they don't cheat, but it boosts their ego (female narcs especially). If one partner is uncomfortable, then the other should always prioritise their feelings and end the friendship. You only have a problem with this one, not others, you aren't trying to control his life. If it really is nothing, partner shouldnt care about ending it.
Also op, always listen to your gut, dont let people make you question yourself and think it's your issue, that you're insecure, especially from an attention seeking woman that keeps all her exes around. If he dismisses your concerns and takes no action, you know an "innocent" friendship is more important to him than your relationship and you do what you have to. Sending love x
I'm never controlling. And from the beginning I have always said he can talk to her ie. Wish her happy birthday etc etc they were together for 27yrs. No kids. But then he started deleting convos and lying about talking to her. And messaging her while I was in bed. Then saying he will tell her to send the convo they were talking about etc etc. I thought that was so disrespectful in so many ways. I would never do that. He always makes excuses why he does it. But just pisses me off because he doesn't respect my values and morals from the beginning... now we have a 9 week old baby.. and his showing pics to her. The latest convo. I seen it. And now his deleted the whole thing.. I haven't asked him about it yet... but there's no need for her to see pics of any of my kids regardless..
I'm just feeling disappointed he keeps doing it over and over.
I think you made a big mistake, hitching your wagon to a guy still entangled with his ex. Are you a lot younger than her and able to give him kids? They often think they'll be happier with a younger woman, but they aren't, because they miss that deep emotional/mental connection with the ex. he sleeps with you, gets offspring but she's probably his confidante and partner in life.
I know a guy in the same situstion. If he's old having kids, although he thought he wanted them, you and the babies represent a lot of work and headaches, whilst he sees his former life with his spouse peaceful and easy. just because men can, they shouldn't always have kids.
This is sooooo true. Wonder if it's the same guy hahahha
Funny you say.. yes I am alot younger. And she's alot older than him.. yes we have a 9 week old baby. And they have no kids together. They were together 27yrs and we have been together 4 yrs and always issues regarding her. I always said at the start if u wanna be with her than go it's ok. Happiness is more important in life. But he didn't go
You knew in your gut, if you said that, so you shouldn't have proceeded. He said no because he thought he wanted a life with kids and a younger woman, but it wasn't what he expected. The younger woman shine wears off pretty quick when you add kids (work and chaos) to the mix and a physical connection only Trump's a mental one temporarily
His relationship probably got boring and predictable with her, he didn't value their connection, now he sees what he lost. Stop having kids with this man and digging yourself in deeper. You have a choice,he hasn't given het up after 4 years, during the honeymoon phase, so he never will, so can you live with that? I don't think you'll ever fully have his heart, is that enough for you? She may also be a bit of mother figure to him too, making him feel safe and secure. The king Charles, lady Diana and Camilla scenario isn't that uncommon. Only Charles always knew what he wanted, this guy was a little confused for a while, but now knows he will never give her up.
I bet their messages aren't sexual at all, so he can tell himself he's not crossing lines. I think a sexual nature, a bit of excitement would be more fixable than what they have. Sounds like he just shares every day life with her, still sees her as a life partner.
It takes a lot of work to maintain a friendship through a breakup. If your child together is so young, he's probably sharing a photo because he's so proud and happy. That said, if he was with her for almost 3 decades, that's a lot different to a person he dated in his 20s and realised they were better off being friends.
4 years you've been dealing with this, it's your own fault, anyone with self respect would have walked away after a couple of months,but you chose to stay and have kids with the guy. There's three in your marriage, thats what you signed up for. Don't ever base important decisions of marriage or kids on what could be, base it on the current situation as most people don't. change.
He does it because he’s untrustworthy. If he wasn’t crossing lines, he’d leave it all there, nothing to hide.
We’ve all had these guys keep us on the line, they just dance on the line but cross it in a heartbeat whenever they want to. That’s the whole point of why they do it.
Nope, she is his EX for a reason. He has chosen to move forward in his life with you. I still have some brief convo with an ex but I do not delete any messages and I usually tell him to pull his socks up with his gf as he has a whinge lol. He recently told me he broke up with her and I said it was sad and have had LESS contact as I got the vibe he was checking to see if I was interested and I am not up for that crap. Its called having boundaries! I would NEVER send him pics of the kids... that crap is weird and your partner is being deceptive. If my partner had an issue I would have zero contact. I dont let anyone mess with our relationship.
Fugg him, you know you cannot trust him.