What's the point of getting engaged?
My fiance proposed to me mid 2020, and now he's saying marriage is just a piece of paper?
He said he doesn't want to spend a lot of money on a wedding, and doesn't even like the spotlight being on him.
So I'm wondering why he proposed to me in the first place?
We have a 5yr old son and bought a house together, but no sign of a wedding.
Should I just be content with how things are? How important is marriage?
Everyone keeps asking when we are getting married!
Is marriage that important?
Is marriage that important?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
14 Replies
I wasted my time with someone like this for 5 years...he said the same BS and then married the woman he cheated on me with!
I am married and I love it, I couldn't be with my husband if he didn't want to get married. It makes things feel more adult and real and I feel more confident being married. It's not for everyone and that's fine as long as both people are on the same page. But I'd be putting my foot down with this one and saying either you get married (even if you compromise with a small wedding or courthouse wedding if you're not fussed) or you break up.
Do you want to be 70 years old with a boyfriend instead of a husband? If not, then he needs to make a choice. Don't waste your time if you're not on the same page and you know you'll be unhappy.
Me too!!! Engaged 11 and he started the marriage is just a piece of paper bs. I left after 14 and he married the next one within the year. But then he was a narcissistic ahole who found his new supply and wanted to keep trying to hurt me. Over 9 years later and he still tries to find ways to get at me 🙄
I repartnered and we sometimes talk about it. My partner is a lovely man, complete opposite of my ex. I feel a little sad at times as I'm like you, always felt it was something important to me but I never want to pressure so just stay quiet 😕 Maybe one day..
Legally In australia I dont beleive marraige is that important. De facto laws in Australia are strong and protect you, if you were to split. In some countries it's not being married and co-mingling finances is a disaster waiting to happen.
It depends on how important a ceremony or a wedding is to you.
To me, not so much. Couldn't care less and will happily go the rest of my life with out a wedding or a ceremony.
These are the questions you need to ask him. 1)are you opposed to an intimate ceremony that costs very little and doesn't have any spectators or is he 2)not wanting to get married under any circumstance. 3) why did he propose
I think you have a right to be annoyed though. You thought you were on the same page, but you aren't, Id feel like to was a bait and switch or a delay tactic.
Only you can decide if marriage or a wedding is really important to you and worth rocking the boat over.
I'm anti marriage. Yes, it is a waste of everything today. I don't see any importance to it, its an outdated religious ceremony. That's my personal opinion!
That being said, he proposed, so its a bit late for him to say he doesn't see the point in it now, that's a low thing to do to you if you've been planning it this whole time, even just in your head. Maybe you're struggling financially now, more than a few years ago? That could be why he's back tracked. Weddings are crazily expensive for one day so you may have to compromise on his offer of a small wedding. Its nobody else's business when you're getting married, I wouldn't even bother stressing over that question.
I've been with my partner for 18 years.
With the exception of my grandparents I don't even know anyone who's been married (to the same person) that long, but according to those people our relationship is somehow less valid because we never bothered getting married 🤷♀️😆
I'm with your partner. It's a waste of money, all the pomp and ceremony is a fecking nightmare to people who aren't overly social or fond of the attention, then there's all the wedding politics and family drama that always finds its way to the forefront...
Funnily enough though, I'm not actually anti marriage - I'm anti wedding. Sounds like that may be your partners main objection as well! Maybe there's a compromise to be had here?
I'd go and get married...I know someone who was with their defacto for 35 years and when she died he had so many issues surrounding her will and funeral and he wishes they got married. Sorry but it's a lie that defacto and marriage laws are the same so people thinking your relationship is less valid are correct in the eyes of the law. Go and do a quick courthouse marriage and don't even tell everyone if you like.
So go get married in a courthouse, no fuss and you are still legally married then :) I definitely wouldn't settle for just being a de facto partner forever and it sounds like it may be a good compromise for you two.
Maybe look into a compromise. Have a court house wedding, then chuck a big BBQ with those who matter most. This is what my mum and step dad did. They got married in my sister's backyard. Pig on the spit, chicken from Coles, and salads. BYO grog.
He may just be focusing on the cost. Most woman want extravagance, and he may think U want this big show. I think big weddings are a utter waste of cash.
I strongly believe that marriage is important. Weddings, not so much. You own a house. String up some fairy lights, find a dress you like and pay for a celebrant. Guests bring a plate.... It's a beautiful wedding and not wasting money.
Also, defacto laws in Australia are not the same as marriage laws legally in all situations. That's half the reason the gay rights movement to marry was so important.
I agree the defactor laws are definitely not the same and anyone who has a defacto partner get very sick or die will probably agree.
I’m divorced. Engaged to new partner. He pushed to get married. I’m actually not sure I want to again, especially having kids from a previous marriage. I want my kids to get my assets when I die. I don’t want them automatically given to him.
We were together for 2 years when we got engaged, then engaged for 8 and married for 2 and now divorcing. He wanted to get married but I didn’t want to because he wasn’t ready to be the husband I needed him to be but he pushed and I caved because it seemed important for him forgetting that I had reservations yet my needs and wants were not respected and it just builds resentment. There’s no right answers, this adulting shit is hard.
Maybe a commitment ceremony 🤷♀️ I find marriage nowadays seems more about the legal side of things instead of the emotional commitment to one another. I am also anti being given a set of rules to follow. We have enough of the government etc. telling us what to do.
We married 13 years in to our relationship. We had a 16 month old child and wanted us all to have the same surname.
We had a celebrant come to our house. I got a nice dress and did my hair and make-up. We had my parents as witnesses.
It was perfect for us as neither of us want to be the centre of attention.
Maybe that could be a compromise. You can still get a nice dress, get married and he doesn't have to spend a fortune or be the centre of attention