Partner has an addiction
Long post sorry but I need to say it all.
I’ve talked to people about this but I have to fully express how I’m feeling and open to reading what you lovelies say
My partner is well over 60 and for last few years just sits at home 99% of the time staring at his iPad and smoking pot through a bong from early early morning to around 9 at night.
Which means he is stoned most of the day and simply not present.
If we go anywhere at all he will be itching to get home in an hour and straight to the bong.
He only seems happy if he has someone to smoke it with.
He’s a beautiful easy man to be with as long as I don’t bring up his addiction and my concerns.
It’s doing my head in as I can see what it’s doing to him. He has not get up and go anymore. And i don’t think his health is good.
I’m struggling wth it.
I try to put it aside and think that you don’t give up on the one you love because they have an addiction. But this isn’t how I want you to live.
I want you to live. Not exist.
It’s effecting me big time.
I find it hard to focus and get motivated when he’s sitting there in the kitchen dining area all day smoking bongs staring at his iPad.
We’ve been together for not quite a decade and we live in his home and even though we are a de facto couple I know that he hasn’t mentioned me in his will. Which hurts.
It doesn’t mean I want his home (one of many he has). He knows I am not interested in his empire that is for his kids but it hurts that he hasn’t even mentioned he has a partner and that I could remain in the home until I get sorted. Or take into account what we have built together and all the help I’ve given him either his business over the years.
We love each other immensely but I just can’t see how I’m meant to handle this.
I’m watching him self destruct and being an addict means he just can’t see what it’s doing to him or us or me.
Any advice is appreciated
I am an holistic therapist and the hard part is that the stress of this is affecting me
7 Replies
You don't have to put up with this. Get legal advice if you separate because you should be able to split some assets since you've been together long enough and contributed. If you stayed together and he died I would assume all assets go to you unless they are tied up in super or trust funds. Not an expert though I have just heard of many people missing out on inheritance because partners get first priority.
He's 60. Is he using it to self manage a health condition? Medical review might assist
Although I 100% agree with you about how shit this all is, it does seem to me that he's worked very hard at some point since he owns many houses. It's probably his new relaxing way of winding down now. Yoy haven't really mentioned how long he's been this way, but doesn't sound like it's been his whole life.
How old are you?
Why are you with him, for the comfortable lifestyle?
Take the good with the bad.
I'm sure he was upfront about his assets and aside from the job his company provided you, have you contributed in any other way? Does the holistic hobby actually pay the bills? Did you bring any assets of your own to the relationship? I assume he has financially supported your kids as well?
You use the term partnership, not relationship, very telling, Freudian slip? Don't give up because of love or comfortable lifestyle? You'd have to go out and get a real job, not be a holistic whatever..
Just out of curiosity, what are the quals for a holistic whatever? Sales, con man, superficial charm? Sounds like hes protected himself well and good but is finding the transactional relationship depressing, not what he thought.
Holistic therapist = the peeps ripping off NDIS.
I think you know what you have to do. You can love someone and know you have to put healthy boundaries in. If this was a member of your family what would you tell them to do?
If it’s in your budget, get a rental and book an overseas holiday for yourself. Rest, recover and focus on living and loving yourself.
It may be the wake up call he needs, it might not, either way you’ll be living and loving yourself.