Does the father or parent need to be asked for their daughters hand in marriage? I don't find it to be important and neither does my partner but it's important to my dad. I don't no what to do. I have always hated my dad meeting my boyfriends and barely speak to him anyway... Ahh but I know if the parent doesn't ask we will cop so much shit.
8 Replies
Of course it's not necessary. The days of fathers having the deciding vote on who to pass ownership of his daughter onto are long gone!
In some cultures it's important, though. If you are both indifferent I suppose you could request your partner ask, but don't start doing things you're uncomfortable with because you will 'cop shit'. You've got a whole wedding to get through yet!
I'd actually be annoyed as fuck if my partner felt the need to ask my dad's approval or blessing. I am not my father's property and I am a whole entire adult capable of making my own decisions! So are you!
What's more is that my father would never in a million years expect this, he'd actually be like "why the hell are you asking me and not my daughter?".
The fact that your dad would give you a hard time paired with the fact you barely speak him as it is and never felt comfortable introducing him to your boyfriends really speaks volumes about the type of man your father is.
If these traditions were that important to him, he'd have fostered a better relationship with you rather than just dictating his expectations.
My dad would be horrified to be asked. It literally has nothing to do with my dad. he doesn't own me or have any say in what I do with my life.
Its an extremely outdated notion.
It's an old tradition. No one does it anymore in Western Countries.
Original poster here- thank you for your comments. I guess my sisters partner had asked my dad so I somewhat feel obliged to have my partner do the same. I was even thinking of popping the question to him so it skipped the whole encounter with him and my father.
You are not answerable to your father. He sounds very controlling.. eww. If I wanted to stir crap I would get him to ask your mother 😆 However, if I wanted peace, I would have the engagement I wanted and then decide whether to tell him a little white lie. Could tell him you asked and your partner just had a chance to present the ring when he felt like it. Not that you have to do any of that but I get the pressure and not wanting the drama. Although be aware if someone is determined to have a problem, they will.
No it is not necessary. My husband didn't but we were together 11 years and were due with our first baby when he asked me to marry him.
This is about respect
Yes it maybe old fashioned but as a parent of daughters it’s very much important and if you both want to foster a relationship with your parents this is a great start