Hi Ladies,
*trigger warning for DV*
For those of you who have been through a long term relationship with emotional DV, how did you heal (apart from therapy) to start getting back to yourself? Like trusting yourself, making decisions, not apology vomiting, managing anxiety and hyper vigilance and even moving around your home without fear etc. Iād love any online courses or webinars or info for personal growth in this area.
Thanks š
2 Replies
For me it was achievements as a single woman/mum.
There's the big ones that might be: getting a better job, making more money, seeing your kids succeed, travel, buying a home, getting a qualification, whatever your hopes and dreams are, making them happen as a strong independent woman.
I feel like every success, makes your stronger.
Then there are the small ones, that also mean a lot, like putting together furniture, changing light bulbs, fixing the garden, changing the water/oil in the car.
Plus a lot of TIME.
I feel like the longer you're alone, kicking goals, the stronger you get.
You start to stop taking people's crap, you suddenly realise you say sorry less, you stop worrying about the opinions of others and realise when something bad happens, you've got this, you can handle it.
I don't believe there's a quick fix, short cut or webinar that can help you get there.
I believe it takes a lot of work and effort.
This was a very slow and gradual process. I still have moments and it has been years. I find myself stepping back in conversations involving males. I go mute and am shocked when one speaks to me. I communicate hugely with my current partner and even he has noticed my stepping back and the way I was trained.
It takes a long time to unlearn all these things and the first step is always awareness. Once you are aware of how the narrative in your head is no longer helpful but a residual of the abuse, you are able to slowly challenge it. I do find hashing things out with others helps, this may be a therapist but has often been friends who have had similar experiences. I thought I had healed alone but found living in a healthy relationship highlighted the things I still needed to work on.. the healing never ends.
Mine had me terrified of living alone. Used to tell me he was scared someone was going to break in, assault me or the kids if I left him. I found making the place as much mine helped. Decorate it and make it your space. Ensure you have wood behind the windows, locks, sensor lights and if allowed, get a dog that does not know him. Making it your own safe space.
I also gradually started challenging myself to going places with friends, invited people over to try to cement friendships outside of my past relationship and eventually challenged myself to go places alone e.g natural health classes. Exposure within reason to those things that caused me anxiety, reduced it greatly.
Hopefully some of this helps š I just want to end with saying how proud I am of any woman that finds the strength to leave. It's such a hard journey, you've got this <3