No longer attracted to husband what can I do? My husband has put on so much weight since we first met. He used go to be super active and eat pretty well. Now he eats so much junk food and drinks litres of softdrink. He has no motivation to exercise or look after himself. His father died of a heart attack young and I am worried he is setting himself up to be unwell. We have tried doing things together, challenges, drs appointments etc but it's getting worse. Sex with him is uncomfortable because of his size. I also worry for our boys as they grow up what he is modelling to them.
4 Replies
Whilst I can empathise with this post, how would everybody feel reading a post where a man talked about his wife like this?
Maybe don’t tell him that you find sex with him repulsive and awkward, he’s probably worked that out all on his own.
My question is do you buy the junk for him or does he go out of his way to source the junk himself? If he’s too lazy to go to the shops, just stop buying it. But it’s harder if he actively seeks out the junk food
He sounds depressed, is he under a lot of pressure?
When I was stuck in a toxic relationship I gained a lot of weight.
I know how he could lose about 60kg immediately, isn't that what we say to women in this scenario?
Oh and if you find him unattractive when he gains weight, then you only ever cared about the package and not the real person inside.
Sense of humour, intelligence, empathy, insights, parenting skills, work ethic, morals, that's what attracts me.
When someone loses interest in someone because their physical appearance has changed, then they were only with them for their physical appearance. Like men that don't like aging women and always "trading in" or people who leave others when they have gained weight, hair loss, an illness that causes changes like cancer, burn victims, traumatic injury victims, etc etc. That's what kind of person you are. You are not concerned with his health but his appearance.
I put on a whole lot of weight when I was depressed. I was in a very unsupportive relationship at the time and the more pressure to lose weight, the more overwhelmed and defeated I felt. I lost it all when I decided to leave him.
I can only suggest not approaching this from a criticising and judgemental place, any one of us may end up with a health problem and depression is a common one. It seems like this is something that has become a massive focus for you both. You are most likely coming from a place of love and anxiety over his health but it will not be interpreted that way.
I would start taking smaller steps so it seems less overwhelming e.g. short strolls each day, removing unhealthy foods completely and swapping them for healthier options in the house e.g. nuts instead of chips and targeting the whole house, not just him. I would make it easier to grab healthy foods. Keep it simple and chunk it up into steps. If it is too much all at once or he is more likely to give up. Maybe swapping the soft drink for mineral water or something with less sugar?
Thin does not equal healthy, in fact one documentary exposed unhealthy thin people having fat deposits around their internal organs.
Instead of mentioning his weight at all, I would start trying to boost up his self-esteem and confidence which will influence his motivation. For example, mentioning what a great provider he is and how much you appreciate him. Acknowledge how much your children look up to him. Small compliments each day. It's amazing how much something so simple can make a huge difference.
This is much bigger than weight loss. He was not always like this. So what changed? What was the trigger? Think back to when it started.
Hope something in what I have written helps x