I am struggling sisters and I would LOVE any opinions, ideas or suggestions to help get me through this.
We bought a house together and blended our families. I have 2 kids, they have 3. Theirs are with us full time, mine go to the other parent every second weekend and a couple of times through the week for dinner.
I don’t feel comfortable in our home. I don’t look forward to going home after work or when I’ve been out. Especially at the time my kids aren’t there. I feel like I am the maid. The children have jobs that they are paid to do once a week but apart from that they aren’t asked to help out around the house unless it’s me that asks and then I feel like the wicked step parent for making them clean up after themselves. Other parent rarely asks or supports when I ask. Cleaning up after 6 other people all the time is exhausting but unless I want to live in a pig sty I have to do it.
The other thing that I struggle with is other parent gets their children anything they want, all the time. And they ask for things ALL the time! I haven’t bought my children up this way. They get everything they need and some of what they want. Big ticket items are for Christmas and Birthdays and sometimes they get a treat they weren’t expecting. I see these other kids getting everything under the sun and feel bad if I don’t get something for my kids but I don’t want them to become entitled and ungrateful. The others have minimal appreciation for what they get and are extremely wasteful because of it. As soon as they’re over it it’s discarded and forgotten about and not taken care of. I dont want this for my kids, but how do I manage this when they see the others getting everything?
Both of these issues are taking over my thoughts every single day. I’m sure you’re thinking I should just talk to my partner but they are very hard to talk to about anything that’s somewhat personal against them. They get very angry and unreasonable and admittedly I avoid confrontation with them at all costs. I have considered moving out but I have just put all my money into this house and the rental market is so dismal at the moment I worry I won’t find anywhere to live.
I have completely lost who I am since moving here. I used to be happy and love my life but now I am lost and sad all the time. I feel like I have depression and Im not being a good parent to my kids or step parent either. I love my partner but I feel like this was a huge mistake. How can I get through this? Counselling? Psychologist for tools to cope? If you are in a blended family how did you cope? Sorry it was so long. I feel absolutely desperate 🙁
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5 Replies
I have completely lost who I am since moving here. I used to be happy and love my life but now I am lost and sad all the time. I feel like I have depression and Im not being a good parent to my kids or step parent either. I love my partner but I feel like this was a huge mistake.
How can I get through this? Counselling?
Sorry but asking for coping strategies to stay in something that makes you feel this way is psychotic.
Don’t be mean. It isn’t psychotic. She could be triggered due to fears building intimacy. She might have a higher standard of cleaning than her partner and maybe need to chill out. Maybe she resents having the step kids around when it used to be her time out when her kids are at their dads. Maybe her partner is abusive but she needs support from a counsellor to accept this. Sometimes we don’t KNOW the difference. Cost of living is a huge issue right now by the way, so, it’s not always as simple as *just* leave.
Ohhh...It's such a big step to blend families, I think it only works if you are on the same page parenting wise.
I would start getting my ducks in a row to leave, you don't have to break up, but just live separately until kids are grown.
Plenty of people do it like that, also not to disrupt the kid's lives.
Good luck, hope you get out soon and get happy again.
Should you get through this!
These are fundamental differences in your lifestyle and parenting choices.
The fact he isn’t approachable or def reflective makes the situation impossible.
You are doomed to fail. The only question is how long will you go before you explode?
And if you don’t think you’re worth it, do it for your kids. Your mental health and well-being is far too precious to throw away, your kids are relying on you.