So i separated from my husband about 2 years ago now and we are still on good terms with each other. We have two teenage children and during our marriage i craved for a 3rd child (still do), he was always against the idea for many reasons but mainly the costs of raising a 3rd.
He is dating a woman who is younger and without children and he has said he would consider having another child with her. I am in a new relationship too but my partner is 11 years older and does not want anymore children.
Now i do not know why, but this has me so upset as i spent years trying to get him to even consider the thought of having another child and now that he has a new girlfriend he's already thinking about giving her a child?
Do I tell my ex how i feel and voice my opinion or do i just make peace with the fact he is happy? It has literally just gutted me and feel so incredibly hurt. Am i being petty?
Ex wants a baby
Ex wants a baby
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
9 Replies
Make peace with the fact your ex didn’t want one with you, and most likely still doesn’t want one but is saying what his new gf wants to hear, but think that through, because she’s going to want two, and then also maybe three, and he’ll then do to her what he did to you, he hasn’t learnt or grown.
Worry about yourself now. If you want another baby, find someone who also wants a baby.
Or he knew the relationship was rocky and didn't want to bring another child into, or he is doing better financially now.
My ex and I had 4 kids, we were both adamant of no more kids. Then we split, he got with another woman and had a baby with her. Then they split and he had to pay cs to two women. You would think that would reinforce your no more babies stance but no, he now has had 2 more kids to a third woman. I see this kind of thing often, my Dad also had more kids after getting his first 4 to adulthood. My Uncle is having kids at the same time he's having grandkids and possibly soon even great grandkids. Some men seem to look at the future with their current spouse instead of their future as a parent to the kids that already exist. Kind of like wiping the slate clean and starting again instead of continuing on as a single parent that can choose to not have more kids just because they're in a relationship. Your new partner sounds like a great guy and I'm only basing that on his refusal to have more kids, that sounds to me like he is putting his kids first. Don't get angry just focus on your children and know that he is most likely making a big mistake by choosing to have kids so soon in a relationship.
You say nothing, sorry to be blunt, but it's none of your business.
I've been in your situation, it hurts and you work through it yourself.
The issue of not having more kids is yours to deal with, you could find a younger man, your ex doesn't owe you any.
When I started dating my ex he was all for marriage until about 4 years in then suddenly he "didn't believe in it"...we ended up breaking up over it and I found out he was cheating on me then he dated and ended up marrying his AF 🙄 I was sooooo extremely angry for such a long time but I then decided to have a fresh start and move away. I met a wonderful man and now we are married and have a wonderful life. I think if you want a 3rd you need to find a way to make it happen or just deal with the fact you're not going to have a 3rd. When I got with my husband I said straight up that if he doesn't believe in marriage we can't be together as marriage was a goal of mine.
Not your circus not your monkey.
You don't need to make peace with him being happy, you need to learn to not care how he feels. Focus on yourself and consider counselling to find out why you're still wanting a third baby. Your kids are teenagers you must have so much freedom now, not many people want to go back to the baby/toddler stage when they have older kids. Try and figure out what's making you still want to go back to that, maybe you've had a loss or miss your kids being little or its just a natural urge? Whatever it is you really need to consider the pros and cons even if you know its not going to happen now you still need to deal with the wanting or its going to control your life with negativity.
Let it go. Do not tie up your own feelings around having another baby, with his. This is between you and your partner not wanting any more and has nothing to do with your ex and where he is at in his current relationship. Your ex has a girlfriend who does not have any children and surely he understands how hard this may be for her if they do not have any. That is their decision to make and not the same situation you were in with your ex at all.
Do not let this become the thing that causes issues.
I understand that you’re upset. You’re feelings are very valid. However, voice your feelings here, mums groups, close friends, a therapist, but don’t tell him. What he does with his life now is not your problem / life. Don’t be that woman.
I am that “new girlfriend”, he didn’t want anymore with her for whatever reason, we were together two years and he changed his mind. We have “ours” baby. We have seen changes in SD behavior when BM finds out about these events
“It’s not fair that you got a ring and my mummy didn’t” she was 3.5 at the time
“Will daddy have enough room on his lap for the both of us?” At 30 weeks preg when BM was told, yet she had been soooo excited about baby before hand.
Please don’t be that mum