Hi Mums, my daughter is almost 20 and was diagnosed a year ago with ADHD. Although it answered a lot of questions and she is being treated, life is getting harder. I have raised her alone and apart from some teenage years, I have found solo parenting fairly stress free. Now I am at about my wits end and I don't know if it is typical behaviour or her ADHD. She goes to uni twice a week and once online and works weekends. Most nights she stays up really late and sleeps til early afternoon. She misses appointments because she doesn't hear her alarms. Any time she has to be somewhere important on time I am stressed out. I will be at work wondering if she made it there. If she doesn't make it or anything else ever goes wrong, it is never her fault. She has anger issues so bringing anything up with her can be challenging as she gives me attitude. I don't put up with the attitude but it does make me hesitant to talk to her. This is the first time in our lives that I have wanted and needed time away from her, but even if I did, I wouldn't be able to trust her to do anything reliably while I was gone (eg feed and walk pets etc). I know some of you will come at me for this but I really do need to know if others relate or just some advice. Thank you EDIT: We live together but I work full time
4 Replies
This is absolutely ADHD struggles. Executive function, time stress, night owl, comatosed once finally asleep.
I wonder if you accommodated her too much when she was with you, so she hasn’t got the skills she needs now and it frustrates her (the anger). Go back to basics - choose one thing, find the strategies that help (she can make suggestions and write these down) then put them into practice.
I’d suggest focusing on sleep first. she needs to first understand the high importance of a good sleep routine on the rest of her health and well-being and ability to function, and once she’s on board, then look at ways to make it happen. (Melatonin/meds, blue screens, exercise, being outside at sunset, sleep routine, look at her sleep space, and her nighttime routine)
So yes these are ADHD things but she is now responsible for trying to find ways to manage them. So I would make sure she is working with a Psychologist on strategies to help in these areas. She would probably be less resistant to hearing it from a professional. Our children can fight us every step of the way, especially if they want to be seen as adults and independent. If she is refusing to work on how to cope, then you need to step back and let her learn while she still has a roof over her head. Sometimes we need to stop leaning so much on our parents. She needs to learn these life skills now. I would give her advice but then stop rescuing her if she refuses to listen. Consequences are sometimes necessary and the best teachers.
Send the pets to a pet sitter while your away!
Its probably the medication keeping her up at night. My daughter is 20 and diagnosed about a year ago as well and had to trial a couple of types of medications to find the right fit. Maybe she should try only having them in the morning and it might help her sleep routine, but i suggest you talk to her psyciatrist that she is seeing for her ADHD. But i would say its definitely ADHD symptoms and may be side effects from medication not helping the symptoms.