I think I might be feeling a bit lonely. My husband does not make me a priority to spend time with like I do him. He just fluffs around at home after work and then goes to sleep at 8.30-9pm every night. I don’t have family or friends around, my kids are teenagers now and I work from home. I’m not so concerned with not having friends or going to work, it’s companionship with my husband that I’m craving. I have been making dinner, doing the dishes, cleaning, shopping and washing so he doesn’t have anything to do but it’s hard to keep that up with my work as well. On the weekends, he golfs, works on his car and catches up on his own personal errands. I feel like I don’t see him and he doesn’t prioritise this relationship. I actually don’t need a lot of time or affection, so it’s rare for me to feel loneliness. I’m not sure how to tackle this as talking hasn’t helped.
2 Replies
Discuss it just once more but put it into perspective for him. He's obviously an inherently selfish person so you have to make sure he understands how this will effect HIM, not just how you feel about it.
If this continues you WILL withdraw. You have to, for your own sanity. Once that happens it's just a slow, awful decline into grief for the relationship you wish you had and the loss of the friendship your life partner was meant to share with you.
I wish I knew earlier, maybe I'd have spoken up again earlier instead of finally imploding when past the point of no return.
Talk to him!!! I have to spell it out to my partner and it's not because he does not care. He thinks providing for us financially, is showing he cares. So I have to be really upfront. I will actually go to him for a hug and say those words. Can I have a hug. He will look at me and sometimes cheekily say no and then laugh and give me a hug. I know he loves hugging me but it's almost like I need to remind him to, because this is something alot of these men were not exposed to as children!!! I will also nag him about spending alone time together, so he then knows it's a priority. He does not deal with the children 24/7, so I am usually at my wits end before him. I need to communicate that to him as he does not automatically 'get it'.
We have a happy relationship but it's solely because I open my mouth. If I did not, I would be miserable and he would not have a clue why lol. Tell him what you need from him. Date night at least once a month?? Chat time at the end of each day??
Give him a chance to make an effort and if he does not, then you have a whole range of other issues going on..