Teenager 14 being caught sneaking alcohol, for months, shared care, dad is an alcoholic and so is their step mum , dad knows teenager drinks and tells 14 yr old not to tell me the mother!
14 yr old tells 12 yr old and sends vids of them drunk.
14 yr old doesnt want 12 yr old to tell mum.
Anyway , i know now !! Totally upset and angry dad tells them to keep secret from me.
I'm upset at only 14 and them being sneaky and dishonest. I'm unsure how long the drinkings being going on but stays home alone often so i assume shes into it then.
The dads allowing underage drinking. Not a great example at all, himself.
I'm bad mum for having boundaries around that crap. I recently discovered at my house, alcohol being missing out of a bottle. Not just a tiny bit but a litre bottle. I didnt notice as i was preg and didnt touch it. Only recently i went to have one and bottle was empty. I confronted my 14 yr old she said shes had some. Didnt say how much. I got angry and upset about sneakiness and dishonesty and her betraying my trust with abusing alcohol . Once i found out it was her time to go to their dads house to stay. Shes remained there since and the truth about her drinking at her dads came out.
I'm angry their dads telling them to keep secrets from me.
Hes allowing underage drinking.
Hes not parenting but creating a unhealthy relationship treating teenager like a drinkimg buddy.
Being a poor role model to our daughters.
I dont want her going down a path where she cant come back from :(
I worry she thinkings she has to rely on alcohol.
I worry shes going to mess up her undeveloped brain as shes only just turned 14!!
I worry shes going to keep sneaking around and doing wrong things
She wont talk about anything, wont own up to anything, not understand its illegal and wrong
Unsure what to do.
12 yr olds scared if i say something it breaks trust between dad and sibling.
Its totally wrong.
I want both back in my care fulltime and things set straight. 14 yr old will probably refuse to come live with me as she wont be around alcohol i will get rid of it.
I feel i have lost them :/
3 Replies
Without wanting to add to your fears. Alcoholism has a strong hereditary predisposition.
Are there any services you could utilise? Counselling? Community service?
Try the education angle stats on addiction and homelessness! Alcohol abuse and the affects on our bodies?
I was drinking at that age. We would make rocket fuel with little bits out of parents bottles so they wouldn't notice, then find somewhere to drink until we passed out, which wasn't long at that age. If we had money we would buy the cheap stuff like wine and cheap spirits, oozo? Rings a bell but not sure. By the time I was 18 I was over it and now have a healthy relationship with alcohol. I'm not at all saying this to say you should be OK with her drinking, I'm saying this because she's already drinking and I'm trying to put you at ease with all the what ifs so you can focus on what needs doing now.
We also went through something similar with our stepson and his Mum buying his alcohol from 12 for the same thing, she wanted to be the cool mum that let's her kid drink. We had kind of hit a brickwall with her and she just couldn't see it was wrong. But we ended up with nearly full care of him anyway for other reasons so he didn't see her very often.
In your case if its looking like he will have her majority of the time I would be letting whoever needs to know what is going on. Whether that's a Child Protection report, a police report or even mediation so you can get a third party involved and listen to the issues you have. Even if he doesn't show up, they can give you advice on what to do next.
I used to drink at my dads house when I was 13. He treated me like a friend and drinking buddy. I got myself into situations that caused trauma that I’m still dealing with 20 years later. I wish so much that a grown up person had noticed what was happening to me and intervened. I thought it was cool. Living with lifelong trauma is not cool at all. I think you’re a good mum for noticing your child and wanting to protect her. I wish someone in my life had done that for me. My relationship with my dad still confuses me and I had to learn through therapy that it wasn’t appropriate. Alcoholics can’t really see the reality of the situation. I believe you should do something to intervene. It’s ok that the 12 year old didn’t keep this a secret as they are worried about their sibling. Well done for noticing her.