I’m a single parent with sole custody of my 6yo adhd and autistic daughter. We have ndis support with ot, psych and speech.
Her behaviour is just getting worse and worse. She doesn’t follow any boundaries I put in place and everything is a fight. We use visual schedules, clear and basic boundaries with consequences and it just doesn’t work and I don’t know what else to try. We have been isolated from our family because of her behaviour. I have tried so many different things and nothing seems to work. I don’t want to parent anymore as I’m so exhausted and alone, I can barely work without getting phone calls from the people looking after her can’t handle her. I’m worried we will get kicked out of our unit as our neighbours will get annoyed by her constant meltdowns. I feel like my life would be so much easier and less stressful if she was living somewhere else, and I hate myself for saying that. I just want to enjoy life with my child, but I can’t. I get called every name under the sun, she threatens to deliberately ruin my stuff, she yells at me every time I say something to her and she is so impulsive, and constantly doing things she knows she shouldn’t. I can’t even shower or do any form of housework without her getting into things she shouldn’t. I’m sorry if this is all over the place, but does anyone know anyone I can contact to organise alternative living arrangements for her?
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8 Replies
Have you tried medication?
We recently started medication but the paed only wants her on it at school as it impacts her appetite. She is experiencing a few side effects from it as well, so I’m going to organise trying a different one
Give it some time, but when you find the right one things will get better. And when she’s feeling better, the demands of home should be much much easier for her to manage than the demands of school.
Medication can be a game changer, at least judge her once that is sorted.
You need access to regular respite ASAP, do you have this available with NDIS?
If you can get breaks, your tank won't be empty and you won't reach this point x
I know it feels impossible, but these kids settle down. Even by age 8, they cope better. Six is so hard, and she’s really struggling, but it can and will change.
Ask ndis for respite. Ask facs for a respite arrangement.
If you have a Support Coordinator as part of the NDIS plan talk to them about getting Positive Behaviour Support in the plan. A practitioner will work with you to manage her behaviours. If there's no Support Coordinator talk to the LAC about Positive Behaviour Support. You'll need reports from the professionals stating why it's required, but the LAC should be able to assist with an application.
If you are her mother and are struggling with her behaviour, how do you think she will be treated by a stranger?
Imagine she is 16, has had an horrific life in foster care and you have to explain to her why you abandoned her as a SIX year old?
There are certain circumstances where I agree with turning your back on your child, like if they are a drug addict, a criminal, a physical danger to you and your children etc.
But a 6 year old with a dual diagnosis, beyond her control, who is struggling incredibly with life, that is not one of those scenarios.
Parenthood, we are there for the highs and lows, trust me, a lot of us have had the lows, but our love and care must be unconditional.
You need help (a break/respite), seek it, get it, fill your own cup, because you are all she has, especially with her diagnosis, the world can be a cruel place and you should be her soft place to fall.
Pick one behaviour you want to fix and work on that only, you need some wins, you need to see that you can make a difference, because you really can.
Small baby steps, but keep moving forward, have a plan and stick to it. The behaviour may get worse before it gets better and if it does, just know that that is a good sign, resistance, a sign you are making changes.
Tell the professionals how bad things are, seek their assistance, tell them when what they're saying isn't working.
Getting the right medication, as you are, is wonderful, I hope this makes a big difference.
Remember too, any big changes in her life will cause her to regress, like all the kids, but hers will be much more extreme.
Has she recently started school? That is overwhelming for kids without diagnosis, but for her, exhausting, scary and overloading.
If there's issues with her getting enough sleep, tackle that one first, because that will help with all other behaviours. Talk to paed about melatonin (or something stronger), anything to help her get 8 hours, this will also give you more time at night to yourseld, to just decompress. Pick the most critical things first, the ones that will change the game.
As a single mum, when my kids were little, that time after they went to bed was a god send.
ADHD/ASD mum here too! Medication has been an absolute godsend for us. My son is on vyvanse and Risperidone. Risperidone has really calmed the the rage and meltdowns. It has taken a couple of years to find the right combination though so don't give up all hope. Be sure to do your own research and advocate for yourself and your child at your paediatrician appointments. Sending big love, I wish I had more advice to offer you!