My partner of 3.5 years recently ended things with me, well he’s played games with me for the past almost 2 months stringing me along, reeling me back in only to discard me all over again.
It’s been an absolute nightmare and I can’t even begin to explain what it’s done to my mental health, he lived with me and literally left for work one morning about 4 weeks ago and didn’t come back, and is now staying full time with a family member.
I discovered 3 nights ago that he has been talking to and catching up with someone he hooked up with a few times from tinder while we were on a break for about 3 months late last year, early this year, he had 3 different women that I know of, and this one he actually caught up with while we were still 100% together with no talk between us of ending things.
He has stayed at her house and he has lied about it only to then come and stay with me, he told me it was an old mates place, I believed him, and let him spend most of the weekend with me, but have since learned that it was her house..
Now we were still together regardless of him leaving etc, we were trying to work through things and had discussed counselling etc we were both committed to working through it, well I thought we were anyway!!
I feel dirty and disgusting, I’m not in to sharing partners in any way, it’s a huge no for me, he took that choice from me….and he is fully aware of the fact that I would never allow it or be ok with it on any level.
I feel like I now need to have tests for sti’s etc because I have no idea what he has been up to.
I’m completely devastated, I can never be with him again, I know this now, this has to be the end,
I need to get some of my items back and return his, thing is that once that’s done I feel like I want to tell people what he’s done to me, he’s out there portraying me as this awful woman whose controlling and jealous yet my intuition was spot on, I knew something was up and I’ve asked him on numerous occasions to be honest as him walking out didn’t make sense, we weren’t in a bad place, some arguments but nothing too much at all.
It came from no where and was a huge shock!
Now I also think he’s playing this other woman also and I want to forward her the proof I have of him still being with me, I feel she deserves to know and to make an informed decision, even if she chooses to ignore it.
He’s always cheated on partners, I was naive to think it would be any different for me.
Lesson learned!!
6 Replies
A rule I live by- never trust any man enough to not get sti tested at least twice a year (more if needed). Forget him and the drama boat he rode in on. Live your best life and be the best you x
Play him nicely act like you are dumb and believe him. Get your stuff back if you really need it then forward her the Proof and cut him off for good. Scumbag.
This. Confrontation with these sorts of men does not do any good. They thrive off the drama and want to believe you will fight for them because their fragile, pathetic egos cannot take it. He will swoop back in and try again because it's a game to him.
I would be nice, get things back and then without warning block him from ever contacting you again.
I would anon send the other woman a message warning her and then the rest is up to her. If he is great at grooming she may not believe you either but give her the chance and choice to see his ugliness. Be wary they may gang up on you so I would go anon, do not get into an argument.
Then move on and enjoy your life, thank God you do not have kids with this man. Some of us have to put up with these sorts on the other side of raising children. They are absolute 🐷s
1. Take care of you. That means STIs, pregnancy whatever.
2. Pack his shit and leave it somewhere. What stuff does he have of yours?
3. His OTHER relationships are NOT EVER YOUR PROBLEM.
He is trash. Don't sift through it again and try to "sort through the issues" because he will only pick and choose what looks good and shiny then shit all over it anyway.
And finally, you'll be stronger before you know it.
Don't bother with the other woman. She won't beleive you anyway. He would have told her some story about you being the crazy ex. Sending her anything will just play right into that.
Also don't try to defend yourself. Anyone who believes his crap isn't worth your time. The people who really know and care for you will ignore him.
Get you stuff back. Go no contact and move on. Counselling for yourself would probably be a good idea.
My answer depends on your motives. You must be really deeply hurt. Rightly so. She does deserve to know but right now looking after yourself is the most important thing and focus on moving on. He’s made his choice and he can live with it. I would feel compelled to tell her too but there is no benefit to that unless you intend to break them up to get him back. That’s not the way you want to keep him. I hope you understand that you deserve so much more. Let it go… it’s his circus and his monkeys.