How do you forgive yourself for your past actions towards People ? I’m living with alot of guilt, all the bad things I’ve ever done towards People, randomly pop into my head on a loop, it can even be situations from over 10 yrs ago, I feel like I can’t escape my head and I just can’t believe I ever did some of the things I’ve done, especially the wreckless things I did when I was drinking. It’s getting exhausting, it’s an all day thing. I’m recently sober. I can be having a wonderful day & it’s like the bad thoughts come along to remind me I don’t deserve good days.
I obviously can’t go back and apologise to the People (friends & family), I’ve burnt so many bridges and don’t want to bother anyone’s peace, there’s a risk that’ll just do it all over again. so how to do I process that it was me who did this, that I’m far from perfect, that I caused People pain & how do I move past the guilt ?
7 Replies
Get some therapy, you need to process it and move on. No, you shouldn’t be thinking negative intrusive thoughts about yourself, bringing yourself down when you’re sober and having fun, that’s a quick way to self sabotage!!! Get on top of it - you need help to learn ways to turn your thoughts around
My younger years were a dark time for me. I did things I'm not proud of, things I'd give my left leg to be able to take back.
Sadly that's not how regret works so you need to learn to live with it in a healthy way.
Use it to motivate you to be the best person you can be going forward, the fact that you feel guilt means that you feel emapthy and it also means that you have experienced tremendous personal growth.
Channel it in a more positive way, torturing yourself helps absolutely no one or undoes anything. Make amends where you can, own your mistakes and definitely get yourself some counselling.
Isn't that part of the 12 step program, apologizing to those you have wronged?
It's the gold star program, the guilt must be common, maybe there is something to it?
Maybe it allows you to put the past to bed.
Good luck and congrats on your sobriety.
All we can aim for is to be better tomorrow than we were yesterday.
In time, you aren't the same person that did those things. It doesn't mean they never happened but that you can forgive yourself for them.
Get some talk therapy and keep being healthy.
Best wishes
It would be good to go through this process with a therapist but you could always write letters to all those people you have hurt. Then you either burn them or rip them up OR you actually post them to the people you have hurt.
The worst thing that could happen by apologising to people is they do not accept it. If you feel you could relapse then possibly it's about keeping a distance even after apologising.
We all have people we may have hurt at one stage or another. Forgiving ourselves can be very difficult, especially as we now realise what we have done was so hurtful. Your feelings of guilt show you are growing and changing as a person. It would be more worrying if you did not express any remorse <3
Take it as a positive sign that you will be highly unlikely to do these things again due to these feelings and try hard to forgive yourself. You were mentally unwell at the time and deserve compassion as well xx
I made some really awful decisions a few years ago that have hurt people I cared about. The biggest thing that is helping me with the guilt and shame of it all is therapy. I worked through the 'why' of it all - why did I do those things and how can I never do these again. The other part of therapy has been more recent in working through forgiving myself and moving on now all these friendships have ended. There is grief in the guilt and you have to work through that part too. It's incredibly hard when you know you are the cause of other people's pain. You feel like you don't deserve forgiveness and happiness, but you definitely do.
One technique I've learned in therapy has been about regulating your thoughts, kind of like setting a time each day to work through them, and then once that time is up you stop. And then if the thoughts come through at other times you say to yourself 'not now, this is for later'. It's really hard at first but I've found it to be so helpful. It stops those awful memories dragging you down when you're feeling good.
I also want to reach out and apologise, but have no access to some people any more, and those I tried to apologise to are still really hurt so it didn't go as I'd hoped. I would highly recommend still writing the apologies out, even if you can't send them out. Write them over and over and work through what it is you would say, if you could. It does help.
I saw a quote recently that just said "good people can display toxic behaviours. Forgive yourself".
I hope this helps in some way 💛