I have an autistic adhd 6yo, her behaviour over the last month or so has been out of control, almost at the point I’m struggling to be around her. She has started stealing from school and other kids, and anything she wants she will take, I also don’t think she’d be far off stealing from shops as well. When caught she will lie and when I find out the truth and tell her she needs to return it, she throws the biggest meltdowns.
I cannot say or do anything without getting yelled out or called names. I often can’t even talk to her and when I try to start a conversation I get told to mind my business or get yelled at that she doesn’t want to talk. Sometimes if I even look at her I get yelled at, she throws things at me and even made my head bleed tonight.
I’m so lost, she has so many supports in place but nothing seems to be improving. I’m a single mum and I’m trying my hardest as her dad isn’t involved but I can’t keep living my life like I’m walking on egg shells. When she is good she can be the most funny loving kid but I feel like I’m seeing less and less of this.
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10 Replies
This kid needs boundaries. She’s six. Being in charge when you’re six is terrifying, she will be out of control.
Why does she run the interactions? Do you not know what to do? You don’t have to yell and scream and smack to still be in control. It sounds like you need help with this.
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Solving the problem helps things get better
- visuals.
- clear rules, and visuals of them. Set them out clearly. Go over them frequently.
- clear consequences, and visuals.
- have a clear plan for yourself. If she escalates, what will you do next. How many reminders does she get? Make sure you both know what will happen. Because if you don’t have a plan, you’ll do nothing or threaten something you won’t follow through with, either one totally undermines you in her eyes)
- help her turn it around, discuss what happened, what went wrong, what could do next time, move on. Reengage in play.
- play together. Colour, swim, dolls, whatever her thing is. She’ll meet you here, and you’ll be able to talk while you do this too. Or before you do this, so you connect right after.
- routine. Daily routine, food, activities, hygiene, all of it. Visual schedule too.
- make sure she’s eating and sleeping enough, it’s really hard for tired or hungry kids to regulate.
This is fabulous advice!!!
You need to be in control. She is 6. Don't be scared of her yelling or having meltdowns, you need to control this now before she is twice the size.
How does this comment help the op?
What's going on in your life?
Are you going through anything traumatic?
Any recent break-ups?
Where is your focus currently?
Kids feed off of us, how has your emotional state been in the last month?
You need to get your strength back and put some firm boundaries in place.
When I read your post, it sounded like 16 year old, not 6.
Have her specialists given you strategies, are you following them?
If they aren't working, go back to the professionals.
It's a lot of work, but will be worth it in the end.
I am a teacher and I can tell you parenting styles have a HUGE Influence on how adhd/ASD(mild) kids interact and behave. What I am saying here comes with my educator hat on, is based on decades of being in the industry and working explicitly with students with disabilities/learning challenges etc. I am not being “nasty” and feel this could be helpful for the parent to know.
If adhd kids do not know and respect boundaries nor understand the word NO, respect authority figures (parents, teachers etc), there is no controlling their behaviours at school either.
Some kids are so naughty that the rules don’t apply to them and they make life hell for the parents, teachers and classmates. This is a horrible situation for the child to be in and the feelings of helplessness for the parents is debilitating. Remember all children need boundaries in order to thrive and reach their potential.
Kids who have no respect for authority and are allowed to be master of their own destiny (not saying this is your child), struggle to learn, struggle to make friends, learn that acting out adversely gets the much desired attention they crave (even though they crave positive attention and not negative).
I get it is easier to choose the path of least resistance and give in or not cause a flare up… but all that teaches the child is that they are the boss and they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to (so many adhd kids firmly believe this).
I have met some families where the parents are very strict, they are onto the behaviours constantly, exhaustingly, and the youngster knows explicitly how to behave and can adapt their behaviours when redirected.
I am not a fan of medication, only as a last resort. But holy moly, it works at calming their mind to allow them to sit back and enjoy moments, focus long enough to hear and learn, make friendships (and allow for calm in their space which does not exist otherwise).
I don’t mean to be harsh and I do wish you all the best.
Good morning. Kelly here from The Imperfect Mum team.
Could you please PM the FB page as I have a mother with a similar situation who would like to connect with you.
Thank you,
Kelly