My partner likes coke and uses let’s say once a month. My issue is, it’s been the one thing we fight about because I despise drugs. We have been together for three years and literally every month or every other month, he uses it without even speaking to me. I’m trying to understand but I feel betrayed each time. My compromise is to talk to me before he buys it, but he keeps buying it without any conversation. So, I sit there and feel weird because I need to ask him if he’s used, which he always tells me the truth.
I love him, I don’t love coke. But maybe I just done understand what he’s going through. I don’t know what I’m asking, I guess I’m just venting.
11 Replies
It seems to me that your values are incompatible and this will impact any decisions made in the future. He doesn't respect the boundaries you've put in place. If he's needing illegal drugs to cope with life, some therapy might be a better choice if he truly wants a happier future. This habit will probably get worse not better.
Sorry to be blunt, but the argument "but I love him" is for 16 year old love-sick teenagers that don't know better.
Not grown women with kids.
You're better than this and so are your kids xxx
Dump the coke-head, nothing has changed since you last posted.
Do you want to be posting this in 5 years' time?
On and up lovely.
Thank you for your advice but I think you have the wrong person in regards to the post you’re referring to x
You are incompatible as a couple. You either become fine with him using drugs, or you break up. He isn't going to change his stance.
I have strong views about this too, and that's why I don't develop relationships with people who use.
It's been 3 years, this is very clearly who he is. Did you think he'd miraculously change?
He’s an addict obviously. He is betraying you! This is the life you accept, if you choose to not do anything about it. You either give him the ultimatum or live with it. If you have kids then think of them and put them first always. Do you really want them around this?? I’d be out, if I had kids. They don’t get a choice in this. Remove them from it.
Drugs are a hard no for me. He's probably doing more than just what he admits to.
You don't like drugs but are ok with it so long as he talks to you about it before he buys it?
Call it a day and end it.
He tells you when he has it, only some of the time because then you think, he tells you the truth everytine he has it. I’d say he has it more than you know. He waters it down to you and acts like he is truthful. Def a no no in my home. Open your eyes and protect your kids from this drug life aswell as yourself. It’s also expensive and he obviously isn’t prepared to change it.
If your compromise is to talk to you before purchasing, he is seeing this as a financial issue. If you don't want a partner that uses drugs, say that clearly and be prepared to walk away if he doesn't take the ultimatum seriously.
Fuck that shit. Get rid of him. If you don’t have the same morals now it will only get worse.
He is an adult and can do as he pleases. I wonder why you want him to let you know beforehand? Is it so you can talk him out of it? This is an issue that should have been addressed in the early days of the relationship not 3 years in. You don’t mention if you have kids but in my opinion drugs have NO place being around kids in any capacity. Time for decisions to be made. Accept it or leave .