So I’ve been married for 11 years to an amazing person and father. We have been together since I was 18 years old. We are now in our early forties. We have 3 young children together 8, 6 & 3.
I feel like for a long time mainly since having kids that we are more like roommates. Life is so hectic and busy and we don’t prioritise time together 😓 and when we do get that time we need up not enjoying our time together and have lots of resentment towards each other.
We find it hard to connect emotionally and hence that effects our physical relationship. I feel like we just can’t get past it. We have been through a huge amount in our lives together, mostly good times but definitely some lows. Post partum depression and anxiety, health struggles, weight problems, job dissatisfaction etc
I feel so frustrated and feel like I’ve lost my best mate. We don’t have fun together anymore. I miss that emotional and physical affection that you get from a partner. Our kids are highly demanding and we often disagree about parenting strategies which causes tension.
I feel myself not even trying to get close to him anymore! I fee no connection and it breaks my heart. He wants it to work also but just feel in a huge rut right now.
I have started feeling like it would be easier in some ways to seperate and see if that makes us both happier but dont want the kids to get affected. They’re our life!
Help! What can I do?
I sometimes wonder if I settled too early, haven’t had many other partners and often wonder what it would be like to be free.
Although the man I’m married to is amazing in so many ways :-(
Relationship troubles
Relationship troubles
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
2 Replies
You probably still haven't dated each other enough. The less time you spend as a couple, the more time and effort you need to rebuild that relationship.
I think in your case it's really worth it finding ways to carve out a lot more couple time. Like A LOT. That doesn't mean out of the house, my parents were poor, when we were growing up so they had at home date nights. We were put to bed and my mum and dad would have date night.
Id also look into couples counselling.
You say the kids are highly demanding, why? is this something they will grow out of, can this be worked on? are there diagnosis? I get kids come first and sometime there are extenuating circumstances, but is it really putting them first if your marriage burns to the ground because you as a couple put some rules and boundaries up so you can maintain your relationship?
I enjoy being single, but being single and doing shared care etc is not the freedom you think it is.
I feel I could have written this but ages of children and age we got together differs.
I have felt like this on and off for years. It became more frequent and I held more resentment. We could go months without having a proper conversation and despising each other. Not even sleeping in the same room.
I myself went to counselling over a 6 month period and worked on me and strategies I could use.
We finally sat down and I laid it on the table saying we have 2 choices, separate or try counselling and see where that takes us.
We have now decided to give couples counselling a go.
Good luck x