How am I supposed to leave my partner of 6 years and father of our three children? I'm so unhappy in this relationship, it's toxic and negative and I only stay because I feel sorry for him - he will have to go back to his parents house, and I don't want our children to suffer. I cry at the thought of any of our kids going and spending the night away from me. How am I supposed to do it on my own? I know he will just call and text me all the time and beg for me back, like he's done before, I just can't do it. I'm feeling anxious and like I'm grieving the idea of how a family should be. I don't feel loved and I'm not in love. I really didn't want to be a single parent - my parents separated when I was 2 years old and it wasn't a nice childhood for me. I need reassurance that I can do this, my mother isn't around so I don't have a whole lot of support. Help :(
4 Replies
I've been a sole parent for ever! You absolutely can do this, it will be hard at first, but things are already hard now aren't they? Living in a toxic relationship affects the children and you know that. You will be able to get used to the kids staying at their dad's a few nights a week, and you will start to enjoy it! I know it's hard to imagine now. Now I can't imagine sacrificing my independence and happiness to be in an unhappy relationship. Your kids don't have to have the same experience you had growing up.
Seek counselling if you can, they really help you to work through all this. At the end of the day, if youre not living a life that fulfils you, you are shortchanging yourself & the kids as well.
Once you become single you might find a rest is just what you need. Some adult time, a chance to have a life, make friends, meet people. As well as you will want your kids to have that time & relationship with their dad. It is different but if its what makes you truly happy inside it will work out well. Good luck,
A year ago, I felt EXACTLY the same. Today, I know it was the toughest yet best decision I made for my kids and I. I was in a loveless relationship. Was toxic to the core. I felt miserable, degraded, worthless and he treated me like absolute shit! He knew how much and how hard I wanted us to be a family, for ten years, I put up with his drinking, his violence, his attitude and behaviour, the disrespect, the nights he didnt come home, the cheating, the bullshit! Just so my family could be whole, together. One day, i just couldnt do it anymore.
You need to think of who can support you, if no one, then you need to put on your big girl shoes and repeat these words.
I am not scared to create a better life for my babies and myself. We deserve better and today is the day our lives are going to change.
I have been a sole parent and transitioned to married life and had my 2nd child with my husband. I know I can do it alone I know I can be happy with a clean house and not have to have dinner prepared every night for my family including him And if I don't want to clean for a day or a week after him and the kids I don't have to. But each time I hit that cross road of "fk u! I don't need you!" I think "Where do I go? what do I do next? " "Where can I go that will be ok for the kids?" When he's really not a bad dad or a bad person he just gets difficult to live with. But then I have to think about how charming I am to live with? I am not perfect. I have all sorts of breakdowns and crazy girl issues that he really can't understand but puts up with. He will never know I have these thoughts. He believes I think I am perfect even though he has seen me at my worst. Men are difficult but we are too. If you don't have a plan B. Then you are not ready to go my lovely. For better or worse there are ways of talking things out. If he is violent run and protect your kids. It is not possible to be completely in love with a person every single day of your life. That is just movie crap..Hollywood stuff. You will love and care for them but sometimes you just don't like them. This can last a few days or weeks but try to remember why you fell in love in the first place. If you truly hate that reason then maybe finding a plan B is the way to go. But don't leave until you are fully sure and are set on your plan and know that you can cope with being the rock your children need because there will be no time for you until your children are settled. Good luck making your decision. Trust me every woman in a relationship that is struggling to keep their identity, keep the romance, keep a balance between being a mother, a woman, lover, wife/partner often feels that life would be easier without a man to add to the stress.