Help with my tween please!
I’m really lost she has started high school this year and she has just become this really nasty rude person she treats everyone poorly her attitude is horrible she argues every day about going to school she was a primary school captain now she’s back chatting teachers getting in trouble all the time I’m really lost as to how to help her she is obviously trying to find who she is but how can I parent her and help her she has this attitude she is better then everyone and everyone owes her something
She hit puberty super early she was 8 so it’s not totally hormonal I no high school is an adjustment but I just can’t even recons my own daughter she is just nasty constantly to everyone
We are just your normal hard working family I’m really not sure where the behaviour has come from I can’t even talk to her without her just screaming at me
5 Replies
It’s the normal now with high school. It’s shocking how much they change in the first year. Luckily my daughter hasn’t changed but sadly the friends she had from primary school have. She is gutted seeing the big difference in their attitudes and friendships, vaping, peer pressure they are under. It’s such a big change in such a short time. I suggest you get your daughter to a child psychologist. I’d also look at changing her schools if it’s possible, if it keeps up because It won’t get better.some of My friends teens are the same and they are so lost on what to do. Take her phone, cut wifi. Get her involved in more activities. Part time job. Anything that can help with be around good influences and keeping Her busy. She needs less contact with those at school. If she has a phone get rid it. They are bad news and the cause of half the teens Issues now. It doesn’t stop with phones, someone always has contact with them. Teens need to be away from phones and all the toxic behaviour that goes with them.
High school is a HUGE adjustment, in my experience that adjustment seems to be a bit more difficult for the kids who took on leadership roles during their upper primary school years, just because it's such a shift in dynamics. They go from this "top dog" sort of position to just another 7th grade pip squeak. On top of that, everything is new, teachers expect more of them, there's less of the fun stuff that primary school has.
I also think a lot of kids are a bit sheltered until they get to high school (and believe me that's not a bad thing). Primary school is typically pretty wholesome but high school? Suddenly kids start getting exposed to things like excessive swearing, verbal and physical aggression, kids who are rebelling. They're exposed to more mature concepts like drug and alcohol usage, sexual activity etc. Then of course there's the bullying culture and I bet your daughter can't even go to the toilets without running into a bunch of "rough" kids who are in there vaping...
Social media is also a big worry for teens and not having it doesn't necessarily save them the heartache either, my friends son is being mercilessly trolled on SM despite not having a single account himself.
Don't discount the hormonal aspect either, girls aren't just highly hormonal at the start of puberty, they will have hormonal surges/fluctuations throughout their teen years and you probably won't see that level out until she's edging towards her later teens.
Considering all these things as a whole, it's a recipe for attitude city. As a parent it's important that you remain calm and regulated, my mum used to blow her top at my younger sister at this age. It was such emotionally immature chaos that I'd sit there wondering which one of them was the 13 year old 😂
Sometimes you'll need to pick your battles and let things slide, sometimes you'll really need to hold firm with reasonable boundaries. With teens you also need to be more willing to just listen without the commentary and find new ways to connect with them. It's easy to forget that they still need that!
Princess Bitchface is a good book to read about this sort of thing
My kids were great in primary, hit high school and the not so nice peer influences reared their ugly heads. I found they changed friendship groups and improved as they tended to eventually gravitate towards those with a similar upbringing. I would look at the friends and try to influence by creating opportunities for them to hang out with those of similar values. Do not let your teen know what you are doing but limit outside opportunities with those that will drag them into you know what. And before anyone thinks I sound like a snob, I am sick and tired of hearing about filthy parents supplying vapes, smokes, alcohol etc. and not caring about where their kids are! I will not encourage my teens to hang around yours.
agree