My son is 8 and for the life of me I can not stop him from climbing into bed with me every night.
I've tried everything!! Ive done the whole bed in his room, ambience noise, night light, my sheets, bigger bed, smaller bed, bigger blanket, warmer blanket, cooler blanket, softer mattress topper, lavender wash and defusers, I even brought matching bracellets that glows and said im always with him but that didn't work. Now im doing the whole bell on my door that wakes me up so I can walk him back to his bed but its been two weeks of waking up 3-4 times a night and I'm soooo tired for work the next day I can't even concentrate! He has a very consistent bed time routine and when he is at his grandparents house he sleep through the night and wont even get out of his bed! it just seems to be only at my house.
It's been 3 years of this crawling into my bed now which is weird because previously I've never co-slept with him and nothing major has happened that would prompt this change. On the occasion I don't wake up and he comes into my bed he's basically slept ontop of me and I wake up so sore the next day it's taken days to feel normal again.
I'm a single mum, I also have a 12 year old who's never had this problem but I work 40 plus hour weeks to support my family but I can't keep doing this, I need my sleep!! I kinda think it's time to just put a lock on my door to stop this and actually have a full night sleep for once but I'm unsure of how he would react to that and obviously safety concerns.
Any advice would help.
9 Replies
Have you tried putting his mattress into your room next to your bed? He can come in and quietly go back to sleep without being on top of you.
Put a mattress on your floor and have a good night sleep. My son is still like this as a teen. Don’t fight, it won’t be forever. He is anxious about sleeping on his own and you are his comfort. Don’t put a lock on the door, it will fuel his anxiety. I totally understand him. My son is like this and so was I. I just felt safe and secure near my parents. Please remember that going to bed is his thinking time. The thoughts that go through their little heads at night time. When he is close you his comfort and in his safe zone next to mum, the thoughts go and his little head stops racing.
From the age of 8 to 17, I spent most nights in my mum's bed. Nothing really happened to me, I just felt safest next to my mum.
Perhaps ask him why? Honestly, if that's where he feels safest, if just let it go for now
Go get a rubber door wedge & use that to wedge your door shut from the inside.
If he's having nightmares etc that's a different story though.
Why does he say that he does it?
If it's an anxiety thing, he may need to see a Dr
My son is 11 and like you I have tried everything. Now I just let him as I need my sleep and he needs to not be alone. I dont want him to feel bad that he is expressing the need not to be alone
Are your kids in the same room? Would it help if they were?
My kids are a lot younger (3 & 5) but I started putting gthem in the same bed last year after surgery, when I couldn't lift my youngest and it has stopped them both waking and coming in to my bed. They would.both was every night and very I'm my bed now it is maybe 3 times a month
I don't mean to be rude when asking this but how long have you been seperated?
Does he spend time at dads house?
I'm asking because my 8 yr old is exactly like this, I have tried everything to get him to sleep in his own bed, like you I work some long hours and always find myself so tired but nothing has worked and it always ends in him crying uncontrollably and telling me he's scared without me. This all started when his dad and I seperated, he spends a couple of nights a week at dads house and sleeps in his own bed there.
I'm not an expert but my take on the situation is that he thinks he's going to lose me so when he's at my house he stays as close as possible to me. I have stopped trying to move him for now, it's too distressing for the both of us so I just do what I can to ensure we both get a good night's sleep, I use a pillow beside him to stop him rolling over onto me while I'm sleeping and to also ensure I have enough space to sleep in.
Single mum of 2 kids working 40+ hours, it's possible he misses you and feels that this is the best way to get some snuggles in?
Nothing wrong with you doing what you've got to do, but perhaps he just needs some comfort where he can get it?
My son is 10 and still does this . We have co-slept since birth . I don’t see it as an issue at all .. just a boy wanting to be close to his Mum .