Help me please ladies!
My insecurities are getting out of hand.
I don’t know what to do, I’m so deeply insecure in my relationship that I can barely stand to go out in public with my husband anymore. It doesn’t happen every time we go out but Every single time he checks out another woman, I shut down, it makes me feel repulsive and I just can’t look at him the same. He says his not doing it but I can see he is, we discussed it on multiple occasions and I believe that his trying not to do it but it’s like he doesn’t even notice that he is doing it, like his doing it subconsciously and blocking it out or something. one day recently I asked him to grab something in the shop and he was so lost starting at another woman’s arse that I had to ask him a second time and he just said “sorry I was in a daze” oh I know I was watching you watching her in a daze. Yesterday I was walking behind him, usually I walk in front so as to avoid seeing it happening but I literally watched him rubber neck multiple woman as we walked through the shops as a family and my heart sank further with each one. It’s been 24 hours and I still feel repulsive, the woman he checks out aren’t woman that look like me at all, they are all slim and fit with perky booties. He never even bothers to check out woman with a body type similar to mine and it makes me feel like that’s the kinda of woman he really wants but his afraid to admit it not only to me but to himself also.
How can I get passed these insecurities? For those who have been in a similar situation what did you do? How did you change this?
And yes, unfortunately he has given me reason to be insecure in our relationship, I wasn’t for many many year. This is only come on the past year after finding out that he hasn’t been entirely honest with through out our relationship. Please help.
9 Replies
How you are reacting is perfectly normal, for the situation you are in.
You know you can’t trust him and he’s done nothing to prove or earn your trust since breaking that.
In fact, he continually re-traumatises you with his current behaviour.
While you stay with him, you will continue to feel like this, because he isn’t ever going to change, and the price is your sanity.
I think he does this on purpose to make you feel like shit in yourself. He sounds like he is doing this to affect your confidence and insecurities. He actually sounds like a disrespectful pig who’s had affairs,Going by this post. You won’t get past it unless you leave. He knows what he is doing. He knows how it affects you & he doesn’t care. You deserve better. Look how he is knowingly making you feel.
This post isn’t about something wrong with you. It’s about everything wrong with him. He’s a creep that you can’t trust.
Tbh if I was being looked at like that by a man with his wife, I would find him repulsive. It's called having some respect.
I think its time to work on how you feel about yourself. Like he does not even matter anymore. He may or may not break your trust again. But you need to hold your head high and feel good about you x
I know when I was at my lowest seeing my ex perving all the time was just kicking me lower. I gave up on watching what he was doing and started walking off on him. I also started going to healthy cooking classes and lost so much weight.
We went out one day and this older lady that knew us burst out laughing and said to him "now she's given you something to worry about" and turned to me and said "you look fantastic". I was on the way out the door and left his sorry ar#e not long afterwards.
You do you, no more allowing him to affect how you feel about yourself x
You don't overcome it because the issue isn't with you.
You light is too bright, he's actually the insecure one, so he needs to make you have no confidence to bring you down to his level.
No more excuses for him, he does it, he knows he does it, it is intentional.
I think you should leave him but in the mean time, I would mess with the incredibly insecure, small, pathetic man.
Start making comments about his hot boss, or mate, start staring at men when you go out (or not, this is a bit yuk lol), make comments about the sexy guy on TV etc.
The very small, insecure man will have a coronary.
Shoe on the other foot and I guarantee he freaks out a million times more than you, because he is insecure to his core, whilst yours is just situational.
You're so much better than him, he knows it so he has to keep you fighting for his attention/love.
Stop caring or fighting for it and again, he's going to freak out.
Sending light and love x
Also, imagine being so insecure you need women who are stranger's attention to feel good about yourself!!
What a burden that must be for such an insecure man!!
I would actually pity him, but still leave him lol
Oh and he knows you're self conscious about your weight, hence why he stares at skinny chicks.
If you were insecure about being too thin, he would stare at the curvy chicks.
It's not about YOU, it's HIM.
My partner will purposely not look in the direction of good looking women, which I find sweet but also a bit weird since thats the result of his ex that used to make a scene if he so much as looked at someone else. I on the other hand don't mind so much as long as it's just a look. Having a real gawk while with you is very disrespectful though and that can be controlled so it's not like he's doing it without realising. You say he's given you reason to be insecure and he's not doing much to repair that, I would be seriously considering the relationship.
OP here and I just want to say thank you so much ladies, I really appreciate your prospectives. I honestly had never thought of it that way, it never occurred to me that he could intentionally be doing it to make me feel this way as in most other areas his really been working to repair our relationship. I definitely think it could be his insecurities as though I’m still over weight over the past couple year Ive lost 30kg going from a size 22-16 (and kept it off) you all could very well be right that he is the insecure one and watching me blossom and become more and more secure has made him feel a need to tear me back down.
Despite considering leaving many time this past year I keep finding myself not quite ready to but now that I know I’m going to strut my stuff and ignore his pathetic petty behaviours and keep working my way back to a healthy secure person who has the courage to finally do it.
Thank you.
This makes my heart melt and brings tear to my eyes.
He either rises up with you or you know what :)
You strut it OP, proud of you xxxx