My husband has just got out of hospital after having a heart attack. He had a couple of stents put in as he had some blocked arteries. My husband is overweight, lazy, has sleep apnea, and a dangerously high blood pressure. He has been given 8 different medications to take including a blood pressure medication and a medication to remove the cholesterol from his arteries. Not one doctor has told him he needs to change his lifestyle and since coming home from hospital, he has not made any effort to change. I am slightly overweight myself and I told him that we are both going to start making better lifestyle choices. My husband is way too young to be having these problems and I want to prevent it from happening again.
He has been home from hospital for 3 days and has already had KFC and dominoes pizza. I try and cook healthy when I can, but I can’t stop it when friends and family come over with these junk foods for him.
I lost the plot last night. I am so scared of this happening again that every noise or whince or stretch he does I panic and ask him if he is ok. He says I am treating him like he is going to drop dead, I said that is still a possibility, he claims the stents cured him and there is no need to worry. I told him to stop being so oblivious to the seriousness of what has just happened. All I want is for him to start looking after himself, to make better food choices, I’m not forcing him to lose weight, but I want him to be healthier. I think he is being selfish. He lost his temper at me last night, he started getting chest pains, blamed it on me and said that I will be the one to cause his next heart attack if I don’t stop worrying about him. I told him to take his meds and go to bed, and I slept on the couch, I spent all night being upset and crying, how can he not understand that he is playing with his life here, this is not a big joke, this is serious.
This morning, he is giving me the cold shoulder. I’m sitting here wondering if I want to sit around and watch my husband kill himself, because I don’t deserve and neither do our children. Am I being too over the top in worrying? Or should I just leave him be and let him make his own mistakes?
9 Replies
Pack your stuff up and leave. Scare him into this change. If a heart attack hasn’t then you leaving might. Also speak to the Dr about getting him on ozempic. It’ works amazing for weight loss and it might motivate him to change if he starts to lose weight. If he continues like this, he will drop dead without warning one day, no wonder you are scared and worried about him. Only he can help himself. You’d think that would have been enough to wake him up.
Focus on Your own weight and health now. It could be you next. Your husband is very lucky to be here.
He is going to drop dead. You've got every right to be upset and his family is enabling him by bringing him junk.
If you want to make changes, ban them from bringing food to the house and tell them that while h is on medication, in the long run, it is to his benefit that you all start getting healthy.
Make an appointment with a dietician and doctor and attend together.
I'm surprised that none of the doctors said that he needs to loose weight and control his food intake.
My GP just did my cholesterol and said for my size (90kgs) my cholesterol is good BUT in 10 years, if I don't loose some weight, it'll hurt me.
I work in a job that makes me move around constantly. That's probably why I might be ok.
The thing is he doesn't realise how expensive his illness will cost because he is in the present. When I wanted to lower my bad cholesterol, I went on a pescatarian diet and watched my intake closely. Within 6 months, my bad cholesterol went down and my Dr was like, whatever you're doing, keep it up.
I got lazy and I wouldn't say gave up, just wasn't disciplined enough and it was easier to just cook one meal for everyone. As much as I love fresh fish, my family loves cow. I love sheep too.
I'd make a budget that reflects you now and where you would like to go.
My immediate weekly coffee at Fergies is probably 50$. I have lactose free milk, and that's an extra .60 cents per coffee.
That's a lot. Salmon is great for your heart and cholesterol. It costs $33 per kg at Coles. (I work for Coles, in their deli/fresh department)
I make up my own marinara mix from salmon, barramundi, prawn meat and add tomatoes, basil, red onions, baby spinach and a little bit of fettuccine or rice. I put a tiny bit o cream in and everyone gobbles it down. It's a better option than KFC and it is not as hard as people think.
I work 9 hour days and I'm knackered. But, I try to encourage healthy eating. My budget reflects this and setting those goal enables money to go to savings or luxuries.
I'm planning on going on a river trip soon which will get me outdoors and an experience with a kayak. It'll make me feel good and ithink half the battle is when you've been stuck in a rut, you become comfortable.
If he definitely doesn't want change but you do and he doesn't support you like you support him, then what's the point of holding each other back?
Aldi salmon in the box is beautiful too. I frequently buy it. It’s so good for cholesterol. Good tips
I cannot believe he was not spoken to about his lifestyle and in the very least referred to a Dietician for after-care.
You need support in this so maybe a little private chat to the doctor about your concerns and to push him towards someone he will listen to such as a dietician. If it comes from the doctor contacting him for a check in then it may be received differently.
Then go to the Dietician together and put a junk food ban on the house. Even if it means contacting those people bringing it in and saying no. It is so hard to change this behaviour and you need support. He may be just putting it in the too hard basket.
If you could afford it I would even sneak him off to a health retreat for a weekend lol.
Good luck xx
You have to let him make his own mistakes but it doesn't mean you have to stay there and watch him. If you feel strongly enough you should leave, I totally understand that would be so frustrating and disappointing that he wouldn't want to get healthy, if not for himself he should want to for you and the kids. He is completely disregarding you all and not thinking about the effect this is having on people around him. Does he have follow up appointments now? Maybe if you go along and "accidentally" let slip how he's still eating crap and thinks he's all healed maybe they will drum it in to him how he needs to change his diet.
He knows he needs to change his lifestyle. He just doesn’t want to. He would have to be living on an island with zero media to not know!
I’m pretty sure at least one doctor would have told him he needs to switch things up, you just were not there for it.
He doesn’t want to change, so won’t.
You don’t have to be there to watch him kill himself, I’d be out the door. Just like I left an alcoholic who didn’t want to change.
I call bullshit that no doctor has told him he needs to change his lifestyle. They probably have but he's lying to you.
I worked in Cardiology as a Nurse for 18 months and saw so many heart attacks, I know they tell you to eat healthier, exercise, to quit smoking, etc.
Unless he wants to change NOTHING you say or do will scare him enough, if a heart attack with stents (I'm assuming LAD blockage?) Didn't scare him, nothing will. We went through this with my dad although he did quit smoking then and there.
Change is hard. Let’s be honest, he knew this before his heart attack as well and still did what he does.
Maybe ask him to do it for you - and the kids. Setting an example for them, laying the foundation so they have better habits, that may motivate him. And alleviate the stress on you. Set some ground rules which would help you. Remove the stress and arguing and also enforce him to cut down too. No takeaway at home: in front of you etc. His mates bringing him takeaway to the house is just plain hurtful to you and the kids. I think that’s fair to ask.
There is a relationship between heart attack and experiencing depression afterwards. I would definitely get him to speak to someone!! I hope they mentioned this to you both as a possibility.