Trigger warning: mentions suicide
I am lost, I don't know what to do anymore.
My 9yo is just beyond anything. She has ASD level 2, ADHD, ODD and is medicated.
I have tried everything including parenting courses. I have given her everything and even sent myself broke just too please her. I have taken everything away apart from essentials, I have just ignored the bad behaviour and done nothing. I have done rewards for her being so good but it just seems to make her worse and like she rebels against it.
I have tried to end my life twice unsuccessfully (unfortunately). I don't want to be here anymore, I can't keep going on. I have all the help I need for my mental health but it's getting worse. I am trying to better my life and get ahead so my kids never miss out. Their father doesn't really help and couldn't give a sh!t. His work comes before them, I asked him to be the stay at home parent and I will go out and work (can't get childcare) but nope he wouldn't even do that.
I am just so lost. I'm ready to give my kids over to the state or runaway and leave them at home. I am having thoughts of ending my life when the kids go to their dad's this weekend. At least they will be safe and won't see me do it.
7 Replies
Call lifeline please. My friend works in their call centres, they’re amazing at what they do. Ps. She’s also a mum of kids with asd and she would have some understanding of how you’re feeling.
My personal advice is that situations change. It doesn’t feel like it, or it feels that it’s too long away, but don’t get stuck thinking in definites, that’s your brain tricking you, it does that when we’re stressed. Please call and speak to someone.
Please please please reach out to beyond blue 1300224636 or present to hospital ER or ring 000 if you get like that.
You might not feel like it right now but things will get better in time and it’s ok to hand your kids over if you can’t cope. It’s totally ok and there is nothing wrong in making this decision and visiting them. Your kids love their mum very much and need their mum.
Please please seek help now. Your kids love their mum very much. You don’t have to be living with them and you can be in their lives from a distance. They can stay in some care for a while and you can visit when you feel upto it.
I was at the hospital the other day with my young child and a mum was in the same position as you.This poor mums daughter came through ER because she wasn’t coping and they helped get her daughter into care. If you go through ER even get someone else to take her if you can’t.
Please don’t take your life. Your kids will miss out on their mum that they love so much. You are everything to them. You can put them into care and still be mum from a distance.
Have you thought about even leaving them with their dad and going away to stay at a family or friends house for time out.? Don’t worry what their dad thinks.take their clothes and medication, Drs numbers anything and leave them with their dad. Tell him once you have left that you are taking a break to focus on your mental health. Let him deal with the kids, he is there dad and he can learn to deal with it.
Don’t feel bad for looking after you. you need time out.
If you had stage 4 cancer and couldn't physically look after your kids, no one would bat an eye lid.
You have stage 4 mental health, you need time out, leave the kids with dad and take yourself off to ER.
I've done it, I laid out on the road waiting for a car to run me over in my nightie.
I got up, called a taxi and went to the hospital.
It takes time to get medication right and get out of the deep hole.
Be a weekend dad for a bit, I'm not saying abandon them, just swap custody for a bit.
When you are in hospital, their dad will have no choice but to step up and you can get the help you need.
Mine was just a small blimp in my life, my son doesn't even remember me being in hospital.
Sending you hugs x
Take them to their dads and let him look after then until you are stronger and better. By doing this, he can take responsibility for his kids, learn how hard it is and be a father. When the kids go to him this weekend, pack more than you usually do. Pack their school items and anything else they need. Let him take this on. They are his kids.
I understand how exhausted you must be, call life line and get some support in place for you. Ring an ambulance if you have to. Can you drop your kids off at their dads and go and stay with someone for a break away?
Hey there lovely,
I just want to reach out and tell you this is temporary. Please do not reach for a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is always another way out.
Please present to the hospital. Your kids father will just have to care for the kids if you are being cared for.
You can also ring and say to child protective services (FACS) that you are not coping and that it's gotten to this point, be honest. They may be able to help point you in the right direction with support for your children. They focus more on trying to keep families together but there are out of home care services which offer physical support.
If your therapy is not working then it's time for medication, antidepressants and possibly changing your therapist, not all of them are the right fit. Find one who understands.
I am wondering with your daughters diagnoses whether NDIS is offering respite. If not get them to pull their finger out or change plan manager.
At the moment all that matters is that you are safe. If you are okay with sharing where you are? If you are anywhere near me, I will help <3
You should have a safety plan made up with your Psychologist. If not then change Psychologist immediately. If you do have one, please use it!!! 🙏💗 It should include all the numbers to call as mentioned in other comments. Be safe xx
Kelly here from The Imperfect Mum team. Please send us a PM on the Facebook page asap. Thank you. x