I'm a married 56 year old woman. My husband has no interest in having sex with me. We have been together for almost 10 years. At the start of our relationship we had a very active, satisfying sex life. Its totally gone. He wants hugs and hello and goodbye kisses, he loves to cuddle when we go to bed but thats all. He is a good man, he can be somewhat lazy but other than that is kind and loves me.
He has had all the medical tests. He has had psychology. He just doesn't want sex anymore. I have asked him is he is seeing someone else, he says he isnt and while many may think Im in denial, I believe him - he is a very honest and loyal man. To be honest, it would kind of be easier to find out he is cheating. That would be better than just not being desired by the man I want to spend the rest of my life with :/
What this means for me is that if I choose to stay in this relationship and faithfull, I will never have sex again. I miss it, I miss the intimacy, I miss being wanted, I miss all the amazing naughty things that come with sex, I feel rejected and unwanted everyday.
4 Replies
That last part is massive. You can choose to settle or choose not to settle so that you can find what you want.
Does he say that he just doesn’t want you? Have you tried to put it on him and ask him? Is it you thinking he just doesn’t want you or does he say that to you? If he says that then I’d be out of there. If he doesn’t then, psychologically something may be affecting him. Have you told him these things? Does he get it elsewhere or is he secretly into men? There could be so many reasons but if my husband said to me that he didn’t want me in this way, I’d be crushed and leave. It would affect your confidence and everything else in the marriage.
I could have written this..
My man is mid 60's.
He just doesn't have any sex drive. A kiss hello. A kiss goodbye. A cuddle in passing. Cuddles before sleep but nothing 'sexual'.
Long discussions, tears, frustration, explanations as to how I feel, what I need, want, wish for... intimacy, touch, what HE can DO for ME. Promises to try.... and... nothing.
There is a disconnect in his brain. Erectile dysfunction leads to loss of confidence. The "penis maketh the man" (in his mind).
We've tried little blue pills, he feels woozy and still doesn't conquer the "floppy disc"
He loves me beyond EVERYTHING but fears failing at 'sex'
No advice... sorry. Know you're just not alone in how you feel. 🥺
For those saying they'd just leave... you don't know until you know.
Sex therapist may help? Also start walking together or some sort of exercise such as bike riding, kayaking to improve circulation. Get fit together. Do not use this as the reason why. Talk more about wanting you both to have long healthy lives together.
Naturopath may also speak about some natural remedies to help. Look at healthy eating too.
Remove the pressure and just focus on intimacy, so wanting to be close with cuddles. Make sure there is still laughter in in your home e.g. find the worst joke book possible and share some haha. If you pressure him it may actually make things worse because then he will be thinking about it. Stop asking for it.
Find more reasons to touch him. E.g. a gentle touch on the arm. Praise him to help him know how much you appreciate him. If his confidence improves that may help.
I know if my significant other does not help me with housework or I feel they do not appreciate me then I am not turned on. If he then started pressuring me, it would bigtime turn me off. Go back to the dating stage and really listen to him when he talks to you.
These are only suggestions of course. You do what is right for you. But do not feel everything has been tried yet 💕