I am unhappy.
I've been in my relationship for 14 years .
3 kids later the youngest being a few months
Oldest 14 .
I feel like I don't love my husband anymore. Things haven't been good for awhile now he's not physically abusive but he's all the others . We don't have shared bank accounts I know next to nothing about his "our" financials , about 12 months ago I actually left well we 'went on a break' to try and figure out what we wanted . I would stay at a friend's place for 6 nights then we'd swap . Then all of a sudden I was back and just a few short weeks later I was pregnant after having no 'woopsies' for 8 years ! I feel like he felt me slipping away and intentionally got me pregnant (as a control thing, hes said befor he likes when I'm pregnant cause I don't do anything,
like girls night ect) **sad I have to add this but , yes I take full responsibility for my part in not having safe s*x ** I feel he did as a form of control.? He controls everything. For example- I used to wear skirts , he didn't like them so he threw them all out, I've not worn a "mini skirt" since? Just told myself I'd out grown that style. Now here is where I need help .
I'm stuck . Absolutely well & truly stuck . I have no family help , no job, no savings, I feel i couldn't leave. The rental market at the moment ..wowww. even with child support & centrelink I'd barely be able to scape through . Here's another kicker . A year or so ago the ownership of his 'our' home and all the big ticket items were transferred into his parents name !!! So I would be entitled to not a bloody thing .
So what does one do ? Just stay because there really is no help . No options. No friends I could stay with this time . No family close by (11 hours away) we've done counselling and he said , there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, if you think there are problems it's because it's you , your the one with all the trauma, and issues. I guess this is more of a get it off my chest as nothing can or will change as it's impossible to leave. Thankyou for reading this far if you made it . 😊 #defeated mumma.
Life hey .
Life hey .
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
8 Replies
Ring a DV service. Start making a plan to get out.
It won’t happen overnight, it might be a long term plan.
Consider all the possibilities. Would your family take you in.
Is it possible to go on a holiday to stay with your family and just not go back?
Just throwing ideas out there. But tart with making contact with DV services, he is abusive and financial abuse is a serious problem.
Absolutely call a dv service for advice.
They may help you get legal aid re the house etc as well - I won't harp about the house being transferred into the parent's names, you already know in hindsight the effect of that; but a good lawyer might be able to use that as a pattern of financial control.
Read up on coercive control, and take your life back. And get a goddam Mirena or something - birth control is massively important if that's his attitude.
And yes, go get counselling by yourself. You need it to break free of this cage.
You can’t blame him for the control and pregnancy. That takes 2 and he isn’t to blame on that. Knowing what he is like then you should have been way more careful.
The rest of it you need to leave. Find somewhere to stay, take the kids and go. You can get emergency money from centrelink that will get you to your family 11 hours away. A lawyer will also fight and find the money transferred. Don’t make excuses for not leaving. Apply online centrelink domestic violence payment and ring 1800 respect also get advice and get out. There is no excuse for staying. I don’t care what it would take, I’d pack my kids and go to my family and cut him off.
I did add in post that I take responsibility for my part in not having safe sex,
I was not in my right mind the night i conceived our beautiful baby , I had wayy too much to drink and don't even know how I managed to actually have sex !
I've asked my family and all of them have said so sorry hun we don't have the room for you and the 3 kids we've got alot going on too so at this moment they are not an option they've said no .
But I can try and save and contact some services and make a 12 month plan, family might be willing to in due time
Thankyou 💖
This is really sad that there is no one to help out on this situations. I don’t care what was going on in my life, I would never ever tell my kids that they couldn’t stay with their babies, even if it meant them all sleeping in the lounge room, I wouldn’t care as long as they were with me and safe. Good luck, I hope you find some help to get you out. Ring the numbers others provided and follow up with them and leave.
There is no excuses for not leaving, just remember that anything is possible. That is fear holding you back and you need to ring a help line, get their advice and take it. Please stop telling yourself that it’s impossible to leave. It’s not impossible, there is help out there but you have to be willing to take it and run with it and don’t look back. Don’t put any hurdles in your way. impossible is what you keep telling yourself. Start telling yourself that getting out is possible.
Social worker at Centrelink, 1800RESPECT, local DV Counsellor. He sounds very abusive and I am so sorry you are going through this 😔 Remember always, this is not normal, this is not how life should be, you should not have to feel so exhausted all the time, you are not crazy, YOU yes YOU! deserve better and some of us have been exactly where you are and can promise you.. there is better 💗
It’s only impossible if you tell yourself it is.
It does sound like he has put all his ducks in a row just incase. It also does sound like he is controlling you.
Start getting things organised, saving cash, getting all your important papers and documents in one place incase you need to go. Seek legal advice. Look at ways to generate your own income also. I wish you the best .
It will be hard but you will get stronger each day and you can do anything if it’s what you really want.
Get birth control too .
Start preparing yourself and your life without him.
My biggest regret is I didn’t back myself , I left with 67 cents and two kids.
I didn’t get Centrelink for 3 months.
He cut me off all accounts before I had even left, he kept the house and 80% of my stuff. I screwed myself over but he was an extremely extremely controlling man. I was just grateful to come out the other side.