Hi
I’ve posted on here a few times regarding my now ex partner. Who was super strict with my kids and they didn’t really like him.
So we separated about 6 months ago. I’ve kind of started seeing someone. He’s not like anyone I usually date. He’s kind sweet caring super understanding I can tell him literally anything and everything and he’s great with my kids. They think he’s the bees knees!
But… I keep thinking about my ex (he lives 3hrs away and I use to travel to see him once a week) I know he’s not who I need. Kids don’t like him for a start. Then the distance and all the other stuff. But when it was just him and me it was great!! I can’t get that out of my head.
I don’t want to mess up things with new guy by being stuck on the old one.
I just don’t know how to let him go??!! Help!!!
Feelings for ex
Feelings for ex
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
18 Replies
Why are your kids meeting this new man?
Have some respect for them, they don't need to meet every man you date.
It’s actually none of your business. I’m sure this mum does what it takes to protect her kids. Stick to the question.
https://thenewdaily.com.au/news/national/2019/11/12/study-child-abuse-cr...
How long was she with the last guy that treated her kids like shit?
Remember her posts.
About 5 years wasn't it?
This mum puts her own needs first.
Yeah they’re going to think he’s the bees knees after last time. And you don’t know him well enough to know yet. Gee it’s a dangerous game to play with children.
Yes it is and I wouldn’t do that with my children but it’s not the question here and it’s totally up to her, how she lives her life.
People quite often don't ask for the advice that they need to hear.
Yeah that’s because that other guy turned it on for a limited time. It was fake. You have to look at the whole picture. Nice will feel boring after that, because that was a shitshow. Don’t cherry pick, you don’t actually want that guy.
Toxic relationships can be addictive. It becomes a habit and we get used to that feeling of a relationship that’s terrible for us!
Healthy relationships no longer feel right because we are missing the icky of the bad relationship. We don’t know how to handle the good one, so we want to head back to what we know, which was crap.
I remember your post, it was a shitty relationship, and you HAVE to put your kids first. It sounds like you’ve moved on without doing any real self reflection or learning. If you want this relationship to work, you need to work on yourself to undo the patterns.
If you break up with this guy, you need to make a commitment to yourself and your kids to be single for a decent amount of time. Your kids have been through enough and you have work to do on yourself.
Is it possible to have no relationship, until you know how to spot one that’s good, and only be in one that ticks the boxes AND feels good. Why be in one that doesn’t?
You're not ready to date. End of story.
Some time has passed but you've not actually made any progress is terms of healing, moving on in a healthy way and learning to thrive as your own person. That's why you're still emotionally clinging to your toxic ex.
Keep in mind that it's only been 6 months as well. Your children also lived through the trauma of your last relationship, they might not be ready for you to date either! Especially given how badly it went last time you bought a man into their lives.
Stop! Your not done healing.
Spend some time alone.
And please for the sake of your children don’t introduce them until you sure you have solid foundation.
Your children’s core memories will be based on which boyfriend you had at the time and how well or poorly they were treated!
Maybe spend some time focusing on them
This 🙌
Cut the new guy free. You're wasting his time, if he was the one you wouldn't be pining over an asshole ex. You're using him to 'have someone', and that's a disgusting thing to do to a person because you deprive them of the opportunity to find real love himself.
6 months post break up and pining for a terrible relationship just screams that you have years worth of work to do on yourself, with yourself, to grow past that experience and transition to the next phase of your life.
Ever heard that saying that goes something along the lines of the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result? This is your wake up call to change it.
Your poor kids. Give them some time with just you & stop introducing them to men 🤦🏽♀️
Do you need some one to say it - Stop being a dick, you deserve a good man, you do NOT deserve the shitty one who treated you and your children badly. You need the man that treats you kindly, your kids kindly, that is sweet and thoughtful. Do NOT continue the cycle. I married the man that made me feel safe and loved me unconditionally, I too made stupid choices in men before that. And to a degree I’m glad I did, because if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have found the one I did.
I would 100% be getting some therapy if I were you.
In the beginning it always is great, then the mask slips. What you are chasing with your ex was an illusion that he orchestrated to suck you in. It's not who he is really, thus the ex. Work on remembering all the reasons it was not a healthy relationship.
The current man may not be as great as he is making out either. I knew my current partner for about 2 years and dated for well over 6 months before my kids met him. It took me 3 years before we moved in together. Slow it down to protect yourself and your children. For some reason you feel you need to rush this. Remind yourself you have time to get to really know him and its best if there is a good chunk of that without the kids being present. Remember narcissists are great at grooming.
Take care