I don't have a question. Just need to bitch!!
My sister absolutely infuriates me! She's the most materialistic self absorbed person I have ever met!! Her and her partner make a combined $2,400 a week and she has the nerve to complain to me about money!! My partner, myself and our child love off $750 a week and $300 of that goes to rent! The rest is food, bills, our sons needs and then smokes. (Which neither of us are heavy smokers, so we don't spend much on them). She owns her car outright, pays less rent than I do, pays $100 a year for her kids school fees, and besides electricity, phone, fuel and food she has no other expenses. Now don't get me wrong, I am happy for her and proud of where she is in life, BUT it makes me want to hit her in the face every time she complains about money. Her fiancé just bought her a $10,000 ring for peeps sake! She told me she spent around $1,000 each on her kids Xmas presents, I spent maybe $300 on mine. It just feels like a big kick in the guts! Everything she owns has to be the best of the best, like a $2,500 coffee machine! Mine cost $20.. It's called a kettle! Yes I admit I am envious of what she has, but I never cry poor infront of her. And she knows our situation and it makes me feel like she just doesn't give a shit at how we struggle. I don't get any luxuries, I don't have a fancy car, nice clothes, lovely shoes, hundreds of handbags. Everything I own is old and tattered. Yet I still smile and am thankful for what I do have. She however is just so selfish and it's always me me me. She doesn't care what she has, she always wants more more more!!! We do secret santa in our family, we each buy for a couple and one child. I spent $100 on my couples present, I made a lovely hamper with things they both adore. She threw it on my face that she spent $350 on her couple, and that "anything less would've been cheap". I don't know why she's the way she is, considering no one else in our family behaves like she does. She just makes me so angry!!!!!!!!
Need to vent
Need to vent
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Sisterhood Stories, Behaviour
7 Replies
Yep.
But let me ask you, would you rather be you or her? cos I'd lay odds your happier than she is :)
I respond to this as the other sister. As I have a sibling that is more in your shoes. To find peace with the financial differences,I now have to look at life as we all make choices. My hubby and I chose to study post school, we choose to save for cars, we chose not to get credit cards, tattoos or take up smoking. We chose to chase careers. We have benighted from thus work. I loose sleep over the inequality, however it's not my place to tell them how to live. I don't make a big deal out if money as we might earn more bit that doesn't make me any better than the next person. I also go out of my way to get gifts for her 4 kids that are special. I care, and she might too, and although you might think she is being rude it may not be meant like that, it could be that she is just used to a different lifestyle. If money is such a sore point don't discuss it. It sounds like you are jealous and that is counter productive. Everyday is a gift, chose to make it amazing and smile
Nice to see a different perspective
My sister and BIL have more money than what I have but lately have been struggling. I can see where she is coming from when she says it to because I know it's not going to all new flashy things or anything, they live a simple life and are trying to pay off a mortgage, feed my brother and two dogs, and they also have other bills. They also don't complain or when they do finally splurge on themselves and get something nice they don't sit there and rub it in anyone's face or try to out do anyone, same goes with presents. My brother and SIL always complain but always seem to have all these fancy things that do cost an arm and a leg to buy, and do things that aren't the cheapest option. They never seem as happy as what we are even if we are struggling with money but those who aren't happy and live beyond their means that's their problem. As long as u have paid all of your bills, have food on the table, a roof over your head, and clothes on your back than you are not poor. You don't have to feel bad about not having all the new things, all pretty things or not being able to afford much when it comes to presents for others you are living with in your means and probably a damn lot happier then anyone who isn't. Chin up and brush it off because more money isn't that important.
Hi. This is a tough one and I understand where you are coming from. I'd like to offer some points of view for you to perhaps consider.
Everyone's story is relevant. I have lived on a lot of money and I have lived on a little. The one thing I found was that the more money I had, the more I spent to the limit. Even now, living on a little, I spend to the limit - even with budgeting. Money is sometimes always a worry for some people regardless of their position.
Look, I'm going to say this: You are the one making yourself angry and making yourself feel like 'shit'. You are the only one making yourself feel this. You are buying into it all. No one else can do that. You do that to yourself. What's going on for you really? What's making you angry. Anger is a secondary emotion, built on other primary emotions such as envy, guilt, inadequacy, worry, fear, being compared, etc. What are you really feeling about this all? It sounds like to you are TRYING to be proud of her and TRYING to be happy for her but all the other emotions are far stronger, leaving you feeling angry and miserable. You have mentioned that you are thankful for what you have, but you seem to be termpering that with resentment and that is negating you being happy with what you have and do. It will be helpful for you to unpack all the primary emotions you are feeling and reflect on each one. Once you can recognise them and admit to them you can let them go and you will feel better.
Also ask yourself what is behind you sister's need to complain and tell everyone about her wo-be-gotten situation. Why does she need to spend a lot of money on her kids and family? Is spending that much money what makes her feel loved and wanted? It seems to me her self-esteem is really in tatters under her bravado and that spending money is what makes her feel good, but then she has to cope with the aftermath of the bills and that scares her enormously by the sounds of it. What's her inadequacy all about that she needs to not only 'throw' money around but flaunt it and then complain about it. Something is. She doesn't sound like a happy person either.
You can only know what goes on in your head, in your family, behind your closed door. You cannot know what privately goes on for your sister in her head, in her family, behind her doors. You only know what she is telling you. Make allowances for that.
Why are any of us the way we are? I was brought up pretty much the same as my siblings but to hear them talk, they could have been brought up in a completely different household when I hear their views and perceptions and understanding of growing up, money, arguments, communication, etc. You don't know what messages your sister heard and perceived growing up to make her the way she is.
Somehow your job is to find a modicum of peace within yourself, be truly, really thankful for what you have and mind only what you have, not what other people have or do or complain about, particularly your sister and work out a way of making peace with who you sister is against who you would like her to be; for she will never be that person that you want her to be......
When you sister is complaining, listen only with half an ear. Attend with the appropriate 'ohhs and ahh's' 'really' 'oh no' 'oh that's got to be tough' but find a way to blank out the incoming negativity. Don't buy into it with her. And let go of that head talk saying 'gosh girl just be lucky with what you have; what I would do if I only had half as much as you do'. We all choose our paths for whatever reasons and that's ok. When you are ready you can change your situation, just as she can. I wish you well with your mental struggle with this all.
Maybe she is jealous of you... It sounds like you might be a stay at home mum where as she works and doesn't spend much time with hers, I've been in that situation, nEEDIng to work to pay for the 'things' and always slightly envious of those who got to stay home with their kids. Now I'm on the opposite side of the fence, we have hardly any money but no debt and are happier then we have ever been... Just take a step back and realise you both have very different lives xo
My sister in law is like this. Her Hubby earns around 2, 500 after tax a week (he's a big wig supervisor at the mines) and she's a stay at home Mum to four girls. Everything in their house is brand new. They have three enormous big screen TV's. Just bought a new car. Their kids are always getting brand new things. Best of the best. BUT, they still rent. Not even close to owning a home because they blow all of their cash. My husband earns less than a thousand after tax a week and we have more of a deposit than they do - nearly double. They're not 'good' with money. And it sounds like your sister isn't either - unless she's choosing to buy into the share market as an investment instead of owning a home? Or contributing more to their super? There are people who when they have more - they spend more. Maybe she feels inadequate in other areas of her life, so feels it necessary to 'flash her cash' around you and others. I wouldn't let it bother you. Your probably a bit jealous of her... and maybe she's a bit jealous of you (for some other reason?).