Advise?

Anon Imperfect Mum

Advise?

I have been a single mother for 11 years, raising my two kids alone (no support in any way by their father at all) now I have fallen in love with someone but I am terrified to even speak to him. How do I get over my insecurities ans just talk to him witbout making an idiot out of myself?

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

5 Replies

Anon Imperfect Mum

How have you fallen in love with him if you are terrified to speak to him.? Just curious. It’s prob not love as such but I think block out that love word and focus on building a friendship first.

Don’t over think it and just go with it. Put love up the back of your mind and think friendship firstly. You are making it more awkward by thinking you love him. Unless you know him well and have been seeing him for some time and are in love with him then just be open with him. Tell him you have feelings for him and feel awkward and don’t know what to say. Don’t over think it. If he feels the same about you then chances are he is asking this same question.

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Casey Spencer

I have a feeling it's more a case of just bringing up those feeling to them, rather then never actually speaking to them at all.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

You do not love him. You cannot love someone you've never had a conversation with.
This is nothing but physical attraction and possibly even a little infatuation at this stage.

I don't mean that in any kind of negative or shameful way, these are normal feelings, I just think it's important for you to recognise those feeling for what they are. Because if you go into this already thinking it's love, you're gonna have your blinders on when it comes to any potential red flags (if this progresses romantically at all).

So you need to rationalise your feelings first, you also need to remember that he is just another human being like you so don't put him on a pedestal.

Just be casual. Say hello, make some small talk, build a rapport, get to know him a little.

Don't overthink it and take it steady.

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Casey Spencer

I'm assuming your aren't dating this person.
I wouldn't tell them your inlove yet if your not dating, but I would just ask them out on a date. If they say no, well, you know they are not interested, and you can work on moving on.

If you are already dating, just let the words slip out. A kiss goodbye, "love you, see you later" kind of thing. Just be casual about it.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

You have a crush!!!! You've obviously been out of the daring scene for a long time, so yep, insecurities galore I'm sure.
1) work on yourself. Build up your confidence and self esteem. Get your hair done and buy some sexy underwear sets, it's amazing how much of a self esteem boost that will give you.
2) walk straight up to him and say hey, how's it going? Just speak to him like you would a friend. Don't try to flirt, you'll just feel like an idiot.
Just chat about whatever it is that you have in common - a friend, the school, a hobby, whatever. However it was that you crossed paths, chat about it and see how receptive he is.
3) read the book "He's just not that into you". It's funny and was written as a piss-take, but every word is 100% truth. They emphasise *if a man is into you, he will move heaven and earth to see you. He will MAKE IT HAPPEN*.
I didn't realise what that truly meant until I came across my current partner, who chased me like crazy. He made it happen. He drove 30min out of his way to have lunch with me in my work carpark at 3am, because I was on nighshift for a week.
If the man is interested, he will make it happen.

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