Today I was out at the library with my daughter (I am a mum). A dad was out with his daughter too, it was just at opening time so we were the only ones there for a little bit. We were both doing the various activities with our kids but all of the ladies in the library were gushing over him saying what a good dad he was. Not a single word about me literally doing the same thing. It was like I didn't exist. Now, I don't expect to be praised for taking my child to the library but why do dads get praised (by other women a lot of the time) for really mundane things that no one would ever praise a mum for doing? This isn't the first time I've seen this happen either. Does anyone else experience this? I'm not saying don't praise dads but can't mums also be praised sometimes?
13 Replies
Because historically men didn’t engage with the children! Not all men but enough that it surprises some women when men show active interest in their children.
Positive reinforcement hehe
Was he hot lol?
Lol. That was my thought too.
I hate this too! I feel it just shows that men can do the absolute bare minimum and nothing more and still get thrown a parade so women are still doing most of the work.
Because the bar is set criminally low for men.
Just the other day a lovely mum came into my work (women's clothing store). The poor love had been wearing out of shape, worn to the bone maternity clothes for 2.5 years because she told me she hadn't had time to do anything like that for herself since baby came along. She had her husband and child in tow and she asked him to take their toddler for a walk for half an hour or so while she tried on some new clothes.
I shit you not, he came back every 3 to 5 minutes to see how long she'd be, to ask her what to do because the child was whining, to tell her he was hungry, to ask her where the toilets were, to make stupid jokes to us about what size he'd be in a minindress.
That was annoying enough but what really ticked me off was my co-worker constantly gushing over this dad and basically kissing his feet like he was the best dad to ever grace the planet. I was just standing there thinking "why the hell are you praising this idiot? He's not even doing bare minimum".
It’s a whole combination of women who expect so much less, males being minority so wanting to make them welcome, and yeah just the bar being so low and people know so many shit dads they feel they want to make sure the good ones know they’re doing good. I know very capable fathers who are so insulted to get those kinds of comments though, it’s like they’re morons or being compared to the dregs, they’re just equally able parents.
I get this all the time from people and it pisses me off. I am constantly doing things with my kids. Weekends, holidays i do so much with them. The minute my husband does one thing , it’s oh he should be having a break. Look at him with the kids. Is he baby sitting while you go out? No they are his friggen kids. He is doing what he should be doing as a father. I cop it all the time left right and centre. I am past all the comments. Oh that’s so good he dropped them to school on his day off.
I've dealt with this for years with my ex both when we were together and when we were separated. He worked FIFO our whole relationship, I was always by myself with the kids even when he was home he didn't come anywhere with us and rarely looked after the kids but those few times he did he was praised and would act like he's done so much to help me. I don't know why anyone would praise someone who calls looking after their own kids "babysitting". It continued after we split up and had the kids occasionally but he would stay at his Mum's so she could do all the work. Now he doesn't have them at all so I wonder if he still paints himself as a great parent lol. My partner of 7 years was a full time single dad when I met him and he had a lot of help from his mum and a lot of women always telling him how good he was lol.
Honestly, my husband gets that all the time from women who think he's good looking. But if you take away people with an ulterior motive, we both get random comments pretty evenly. And they're usually random things that we don't really think is a big deal. I only have 1 friend with an ex who doesn't put his kid's first, so dad's not being involved is an older notion in my experience... back from when the dad worked and mum raised the kids. These day, families that aren't separated tend to be pretty even with both parents working and managing the kids (fun included) as a team
You're lucky to get comments evenly. You must live in a great neighborhood! Unfortunately a lot of towns are stuck in the 1950s and still think men should have their feet kissed when they have their baby in a sling or take them out for ice cream.
Every time I see a man with his kids I can't help but think 'did mum have to tell him what to do with them today'?
Seems most of the time, I bet she has !
I think that's exactly what it is. Mums just don't get enough recognition!
I was a stay at home mum for 13 years, in those years I got a lot of contemptuous and judgemental remarks and only one genuinely kind comment that I can remember. It was from an older lady who pulled me aside to tell me that she would see me walking by her house with my children and she just wanted me to know I was doing a good job.
I got in my car and sobbed because I was so taken aback and so unaccustomed to a little bit of praise.
Yet my partner couldn't push the stroller without someone stopping to tell him how good he was.
I went back to work last year and my partner was in the position to take about a years worth of leave, so he's the stay at home parent now. I still get snide comments but they're just about me being a working mum this time and people will look for any reason to sing my partner's praises for being a stay at home dad.
It's the hypocrisy and double standards that really ticks me off.
My ex cheated on me and when we split he moved back in with his mum. He got SOOOO much praise while I got treated like a burden to society for being a single mum. I worked but still had people say I was stealing their taxes? But also had people say I should stay home with the kids? I got criticized no matter what while my ex had tons of help (I had no one, I lived alone with the kids) it shit me off and still does years later. It's pathetic. He's not a super dad he's just a dad and doesn't need to be praised for the bare minimum (often not even that)