Emotional DV?

I am broken. I think I’m in an emotional DV situation and I don’t see a feasible way out.

He constantly wants to take over what I’m doing and order the kids and I about. He likes to tell me what I should and should not do. He gets angry at me when I’m sick. He talks to me like I’m an idiot. He denies having his meltdowns and cycles of personality. He denies having conversations to problem solve things and even seems to forget some things he does or how to do tasks sometimes. He is particularly cranky when he binge eats and is awful with only a small amount of alcohol.He gets angry when I don’t sit and text him when I’m working. I feel scared at times because he is aggressive but he says I’m making it up. He lectures me and the kids about their shortcomings with their disabilities and refuses to acknowledge the limitations. This has been the case for a few years now.

But then he is able to work a job full time, does the dishes and washing each day, shops when I need it, sends me love messages and occasionally buys me gifts. He tells us he loves us. I’m quite isolated and he never leaves like most family and friends have. He puts up with my ADHD and allergies. I feel silly as there are way worse situations than this.

I don’t feel myself anymore. I am trying to tone down my opinions, my need to manage the household to keep on top of things that doesn’t suit him, not be needy for conversation (I have no friends to talk to), and to let things go so I don’t cause a problem.

I feel broken, unheard (everyone thinks he’s wonderful), that I have no value and I’m trapped. I have exhausted all options for NDIS or family help (I promise you!) to try manage full time care of my kids. I’ve tried talking to psychologists for us or just for me but they all think he’s great. We need to stay in this house with the kids’ disabilities and I don’t earn much to support us.

I’ve lost my fight and need to figure out a way to cope with this situation.

Thanks for listening.