How do I get past never having a third baby? I desperately want a third baby but my husband does not, he is so sure he does not want a third baby he would end the marriage over it. I currently have a 9 and 7 year old and have wanted a third for years and he knows it but I finally pushed it this year and all it did was end up in an argument telling me if I cant get past this then I should leave (my kids would come with me). It is all I can think about, I am sad all the time. I have thought about leaving him but he would try and take everything and leave me with nothing. I'm just soo sad all the time =(
7 Replies
If he's the type of person who would take everything and leave you with nothing, maybe you aren't sad about not having a baby?
Maybe you're depressed in your current relationship?
Maybe stop focusing on the baby and start looking more closely at your everyday life.
I got divorced, but you know what, he didn't take everything, he actually only took what he needed.
Your husband sounds like a bad egg and a baby sounds like a good distraction.
Agree, are you really sad about that, or just focusing on that as a way to let your feelings out without looking at the real issue.
Why have a baby with someone you’re thinking about leaving? And the only reason to stay is because he’d be a dick if you left? That’s flawed logic.
Really think that through. What about when that baby is 5 and you want something else and the option is to leave, 5 years older still with nothing but with 3 kids.
I can get your husband's position on this.
I mean, if my husband knew that I didn't want more children but kept bringing it up for years to the point ot escalated to him really pushing the issue - I would in 100% seriousness tell him to leave as well because it's extremely unfair to try and wear somebody down like this.
Having said that, I stand with the other two commenters. There's some issues within your relationship that need addressing, even if you were both in agreement about having another baby.
What a jerk! If I really wanted one so bad, I’d
Leave and find someone else to start a future with if my husband told me to do this, I would. It will back fire in his face. It’s all threats. He prob wouldn’t leave.
If 2 people can't agree, then "no" always takes precedence. You don't want to bring a child into the world if it is not wanted. Focus on the 2 children you have. If this is something that you would leave over, then like others have said, your marriage has bigger problems and a baby won't make that better. Counselling, either alone to work through not having another child, or together to work on the deeper issues in your relationship. Also do it for your children, seeing that their mum is always sad because she wants another baby can be interpreted by young minds as they aren't good enough.
Having a baby I didn’t want would be torture to me, it would seriously damage my mental health and I certainly wouldn’t want a child with someone who was so adamant they didn’t.
You’ve got kids, it’s not like you don’t have them.
We don’t all get the exact number of children we want for many reasons. Financial, medical etc people get past it, if they want to and do some work to.
If having another baby is an absolute deal breaker to you, then break up. But you can choose to get through this as a couple if you do.
If this is making you sad every day and it's all you think about, you need to start doing something outside of being a mum.
You know, there is so much more to you than being a mum and there is a whole world out there to explore.
I think you need to get a job (if you don't work), or study, get a hobby, start a business, make some friends etc.
You need to accept the baby stage is over for you and look at the next chapter.
Embrace that your kids are getting older and more independent, giving you more time and freedom to do other things.
And practice gratitude for what you have.
Look at those beautiful kids and husband and be thankful, because they are enough.