Is it right for me to feel uncomfortable that my husband has brought couple sex toys without my knowledge? Like I’m happy to use a vibrator and we’ve used a cock ring before but it’s all been discussed beforehand and this has just made me uncomfortable and I think it’s because I haven’t had a say in it and it’s just got toys I think I’m not comfortable with.
Only reason I’ve found out is due to having his emails on my phone as I have to access documents for him from time to time.
I just don’t know if I’m overreacting or not.
Sex toys
Sex toys
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
10 Replies
I think you will get a few responses.
1) maybe he's trying to surprise you with something saucy... possibly for valentines
2) maybe they're for him only
3) maybe he is having an affair and knows you won't like them but his fling might and he didn't think about the emails
Regardless of the situation, the only thing that I find strange is that you just didn't ask him about them rather than ask strangers that don't know him, you, or your marriage. If your marriage is happy and has good communication, talk to him.
Edited to add, if it's for you but not your thing, that's fine. Next time hubby won't spend money before he runs it past you. You don't need to give it a go to know it's not your thing...
It’s a good point that it might be for a V Day surprise. Or an affair. I wouldn’t bring it up until it’s arrived and you see what he’s thinking. I would be ok with it, if you’re into it it’s a nice surprise, if not you can say no then appreciate the effort to spice things up, just leave it out.
Don’t mention it to him, let us slide until after Valentine’s Day. If he doesn’t give them to you then I would be suspicious of an affair if they are for a woman. I don’t think you are overacting if you don’t get them for Valentine’s Day. Just sit and wait on this until Valentine’s Day or a bday maybe has passed then get suss on an affair. Still don’t mention it and do some investigating.
Yeah, definitely don't communicate with your partner and sneak around behind their back, that'll fix everything 🙄
I didn’t say that. There is always one! if he has hidden this from her and it’s not a gift for her then he is obviously sneaking around behind her back! Clown
Well it’s obvious if it’s not for her then it’s for someone 🙄 no point being honest if he’s not, he will only lie about it if he is up to something. It’s probable innocent and it’s a gift for her but she must be feeling something off about this, to write in.
There is no excuse for abusive behaviours no matter how you spin it. If you need to 'resort to' abusive behaviours, just leave the poor person and let them find someone who will treat them better.
So I wrote the first comment.... and honestly, how I would react would depend on my anxiety levels.
If high, I'd ask hubby about it straight away because he wouldn't care if I ruined a surprise but saved myself days of angst. Given you posted, I think you're probably in this place?
If not high, I would forget about it until later and ask down the track when I remembered if he hadn't shown them to me.
The main comment I wanted to add was that it could be being delivered, which means the date it arrives is completely unknown... so don't see valentines day as a line in the sand for whether he is being sneaky or not.
I know my partner has at times bought things I didn't know about. He's got a few that aren't my jam, they don't come out of the drawer. I tried them but either didn't enjoy or actually hurt me.
If you have no reason to suspect an affair, try to put it out of your mind for a couple of weeks. If they don't appear in the bedroom ask about them.
98% chance he's just trying to be spontaneous and if we're assuming they are for you guys then take some pleasure in the fact he's making that effort to keep things spicy.
If anything read up on the things, what they do and how to use them so when they do appear you aren't left fumbling with it. And if required, have batteries.
Honestly if he wants to self please, that is none of your business. Could have bought for self and some stuff for you.
Or
Could be cheating.
Again, he doesn't need permission to use toys on himself