Hi everyone,
My son started kinder a week ago, and we’ve started dealing with tears at drop off. He was fine for the first few days, and has now started crying in the mornings.
The school is lovely, the teachers have been comforting him and all, and when I pick him up he’s happy. We’ve dealt with very bad drop offs at daycare last year, so much so that I had to pull him out a few months in.
He’s a very confident kid, 5 and a half years old, has made lots of friends and is usually very chatty and happy. It’s almost when he realises that it’s now every day that he kind of starts to fight it.
Does anyone have this issue and have any tips for us? I’m dreading it becoming a scream fest every morning. He can get very worked up and physical to the point I have to drag him into the car kicking and screaming etc. We make separation very quick as it makes it worse if I linger or try to comfort him for too long. I guess I’m just hoping we work through it and this won’t be forever!
Thanks all ❤️
10 Replies
Stay with him and play for 10 mins and sneak off when he isn’t looking or get him playing with another child and sneak off. He will get better. Also if it’s too much you can opt to pick him up earlier for a few weeks. He would be so tired too. It’s that initial separation anxiety. I used to sneak off when he was distracted, it helps a lot.
Sorry I forgot to add, that I used to also organise for my son to go into the office in the Morning for the first 20 mins where he would play, draw and have fun with toy cars and blocks etc then have a friend from class or a teacher come and get him. This would ease his anxiety before hitting the classroom.
Who supervised him in there?
The staff must have been so annoyed.
Why would they be annoyed? It was their suggestion along with his psychologist. I’m not sure what makes you think this lol they were very supportive of him. Have you been into a front office there is always staff to supervise. After all he was just sitting quietly playing. It doesn’t take much.
Being annoyed with a little kid with anxiety is exactly what is wrong with schools these days! Seriously, parents trust you with their precious babies who are still learning to navigate a big scary environment and someone suggests helping them to feel safe is annoying! How rude. Hope you do not work in a school!
I had this problem at my DD's daycare. The staff engaged her in something fun, I kissed her & waved goodbye. A few tears, but not as many, and once she hit kindy & realised she got have fun, then be picked up with smiles and huge cuddles she stopped.
I never snuck out (staff told me not to) as this can cause more anxiety - they are frightened you'll leave and not come back.
Agreed, sneaking off is far worse.
Is it his first time away from you?
It's so hard! But it (almost always) gets better. The first week they are running on adrenaline and the excitement of the new thing so they don't get as emotional, then they settle and the tears can come at drop off (and sometimes at pick up because they don't want to stop!!) Then they start to anticipate the drop off and they feel anxious about it so it starts in the car or at home. Deep breaths and try to be ready in plenty of time so you aren't stressed about being late if he's dragging his feet. Rarely are they upset more than a few minutes once you've left, but the guilt is hard and it breaks your heart seeing them upset.
Talk to his teachers, they will have seen it all before. If he's settling quickly once you've left, keep doing what you're doing. Get him settled when you drop him off, hand him over to a teacher but don't dawdle (dragging it out is worse) and give a kiss and a hug goodbye and go.
He (and you) will be okay, I promise.
Yes. School teacher assigned a special job for my daughter to do in mornings e.g. help with class setup and just went a little bit earlier so it was less overwhelming. Teacher also offered to greet her in the mornings and walk in with her. If this is impossible even buddying him up with a friend for the walk in helps so reach out to another parent.
My son was a different story. Turned out he was getting bullied. To the point of getting pinched while trying to go to the toilet, punched and called names. The teacher was lovely but my son was considered "too soft" for that school. We moved him and never looked back. Make sure you have a little chat to him and ensure nothing else is going on.
My 3rd son was like this. We tried everything for years. We believed the school, teachers and guidance counsellors and stuff like these comments, that we has to force him to go. So we did. We were told it would get better, that his behaviour was for our benefit blah blah blah.
Finally it broke him. He has severe social anxiety and can barely leave the house now. He has trauma from school and being forced to go. He has depression. It has taken us years to rebuild the trust in our relationship. If we had kept pushing and believing the school, instead of listening to him my son wouldn't be alive today.
Your son is scared and you are forcing him into a situation that terrifies him. He needs support and understanding. Not all kids can move past this and you need to know when to call it and make a change.