I have two boys 15mths and 3.5. I don't get much "time out " and work from home. Childcare is to expensive for us due to hubby's high income . But somedays especially when it's that time of the month I get so frustrated and angry ! Little things set me off and I can hold it together in the sense I never hurt them or swear at the kids but get pretty frustrated with them and I know I'm probably being unfair . And honestly they are good , polite kids . They are just being kids . My eldest cops ALOT when I'm in these moods :( sometimes I just walk Away and stomp up and down ! Or scream into a Pillow .. I'm short tempered with hubby and everyone else when I'm having a bad day . I haven't said anything to hubby that I think it could be depression because I'm unsure , I'm scared and I'm embarrassed . I feel like doctors jump to depression Really quick and I don't want to just be handed tablets and sent Away . I feel terrible tho ! I feel like I'm failing as a parent . I don't feel like I'm being the best mum I can because I use to spend all my free time with my eldest son when it was just us two . Now my youngest gets more attention then him . Since having a second baby I don't even enjoy playing with them most of the time it's a forced thing . My husband isn't very helpful in pushing us to go out and about and do things - or he's not the type to just take them to the park to give me an hour or two. ( he's a great husband just tired and busy too) BUT I'm not being the mum I want to be ! I feel like I'm a shit mum and that the poor kids are missing out on an amazing upbringing . I know I can be a great mum I use to be - I just can't find her anymore or myself for that matter. Is this Normal? Is drugs the only way to deal with depression if it is that ? Of other mums struggle with this ? I feel all I ever do is cook , clean , work and run around after the kids.
3 Replies
Bit of both I think. All mums get frustrated and all mums have screamed into a pillow (metaphorically at the very least).
If there is a chance it is depression I understand your fear absolutely. I was in those shoes a few months ago. My mum made me go to the doctor. Her argument was, if it was her who had depression or a friend of mine, would I see them as weak or a failure. MY answer was no. My mum helped me understand that you can't have it both ways that your friends are not failures but you somehow are. I had 5 therapy sessions and 5 months on anti depressants (including weaning off time). I feel much better. I still have tough days, sure. But the key thing for me is I notice a bad day among good days, not a good day among bad anymore.
Something I discovered about myself that may be true for you is that I get bored in the company of children and no adult interaction. Not bored in the sense of nothing to do. But I am stimulated by adult conversation and I find it tough doing a day all on my own. Mothers groups, playgroup, swimming lessons, go to the park and talk to someone you see with a child about same age as yours. It makes an enormous difference to me.
You are not failing as a parent. You are still fighting to do the best you can for your kids.
Be kind to yourself mumma.
Drs dont always just prescribe meds & send you off. You talk it through with them & they make a plan, give you some strategies and medication if its necessary.
In this position, youre at the point where you need a change. You need to reassess & fix it, so why not take meds if thats part of what could help you turn your thinking around. I agree with the other poster, i had counselling & we discussed how i felt and what i want as a mother. I need time out, i need to feel accomplished at work/study/hobbies, i need to socialise. I started swimming lessons to give me that half an hour of quiet alone time.
It took a big change in my schedule, routine, activities & attitude to find a way to parent where i am now actually happy & enjoy it.
It could be depression, it could be hormonal and it could just be motherhood. As one of the other responders said though if your bad days are way out weighing your good then it's time to talk to your GP. Medication was only part of my treatment. Lifestyle changes, working through what makes me happy and cognitive behaviour therapy were the other parts.
For me I learnt I CAN NOT be with my kid 24/7. I need adult interaction with various people. That is now built into my week and that makes my kid happier because he gets the happiest mum :)