Hi guys,
I am a mum to one beautiful 2yo boy and currently 6months pregnant with my second little bub. Im really struggling with my partners money spending and tonight I told him to leave :(
Every week we budget our finances and both get the same amount of “spending money” each for our own needs etc to make sure our overheads are covered etc. My share, however, Is also spent on my two children which im more than fine with and happy to go without.
What bothers me is my partner spends his whole share on alcohol and cigarettes $200+ Now don’t get me wrong, I understand it’s his share to spend, but it’s getting to the point where he runs out before pay day and ask me for money for petrol and more cigarettes. It’s sending me broke and I’m finding it so hard to make ends meet for the kids when I have to try and stretch my share across 4 of us.
Yesterday I asked him to go to the chemist to pick up a prescription for our son and today he blamed me for him running out of money because he needed to “buy our sons cream”. I hate that I can’t even ask him to help out occasionally when we need things for the boys.
Am I being selfish? It makes my blood boil every time I see him throw money in the bin on crap that is literally slowly killing him
11 Replies
Is the cream like $6. ?? You’re doing the right thing, this is no way to live. You could take more money and cover the bills but is that how you want to live, mothering a guy that is actively driving the family into the ditch. He needs to grow up.
Thanks so much for your response, I appreciate it. It’s one of those situations where you know deep down it’s not normal to live this way, but that little voice keeps telling you you’re being selfish and to just “give him a break”. Yes the cream was about $9.95.
Deep down you are right on the money. Follow your gut here.
I agree. Regardless, his pocket money isn't just his.
There's only one way to make finances work with someone who is a happy spender. That's to be financially independent.
I did this for a long time. I made up a budget with all costs factored in - all the things that would effect our lives if he didn't pay, divided it in half and he made his bank direct deposit that amount into my account each pay day. Then he could spend what was left (we were on approx equal wages). Things like rent, insurance, water, power.
The things that didn't effect me or our son were exempt. For instance, if he didn't pay his mobile bill, his rego, budget for fuel etc - not my problem.
While he spent I saved. I saved a house deposit. I saved to put our son through private school. I saved to buy myself a brand new car. I saved for a second property, and just signed the paperwork.
What you're doing by enabling him, is denying yourself the opportunity to save for your own financial security. For your kids future security. You can only discuss it and either agree to make this shit more equitable or fuck him off. No one should live like this.
Absolutely love this! Also well done on your achievements that’s great!
The good thing is I did exactly that 2 years ago when I knew I’d be on maternity leave and giving up a full time wage. I’m in control of all our finances, I make sure the bills, groceries, rent etc are direct debited as soon as pay goes in so that we are set. Because if I didn’t, we would be the family whose card keeps declining at the check out as there’s no money left in the account. So I’m glad that at least the main expenses of a roof over our head and bills are covered.
Currently I work 2 days a week and I also put half of my small wage aside for savings for the boys, Christmas, their birthdays etc. so I’m at least doing my bit too. But the remainder of my “pocket money” goes to the boys. Their clothes (currently pregnant so bubs needs things of course) and I wouldn’t change that for the world as I’d spend every last cent on them. But it never leaves anything for me to spend on myself.
But yes, what bothers me is that he throws his money away and then comes asking me for more out of my tiny leftover amount. Also hating that if I say no… he goes straight to his parents to get them to buy cigarettes. I’ve opened a new account for him and told him he needs to put even just $20 a week a side for his car rego and services etc. but of course he doesn’t do it and guess who pays for all his car expenses….. yep his parents.
Sorry for the rant hahah I think I just needed to unload. And I appreciate your reply so much!
Ahhh. that's the reason. I've a friend who has in laws who cough up when they run out or want something. They are huge spenders and in laws just deposit money when they run out or want a new toy.
The effect is that they have zero money sense. This month they're earning so are spending big time. When they run out...
It's also made them cavalier about repaying other debt, even to friends, because they're used to taking.
There's no reason to save when there's a safety net & until he has to stand on his own two feet, your partner will not change. The only thing you can do is separate your money and ensure be pays his part. Personally, I couldn't live with it.
Rant away.
He's being an entitled cock.
I can't believe a grown man isn't embarrassed to run to mummy all the time for money.
(Except I can believe it. BIL is exactly the same but he and his pregnant GF live with his parents).
You are the exact opposite of selfish. He is incredibly selfish!
Good on you for telling him to leave!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 That’s no way to live/be treated by a selfish self involved person. You can do so much better and deserve better. I really do hope you’ve stuck to your guns and actually kicked him out! He’s dragging you down and u don’t need that crap.
Not selfish at all! It takes its toll when you’re the only parent being financially responsible for your children. It’s one of the main reasons I am now a single mum, I am more financially stable when I don’t have someone “borrowing” money off me every week for smokes. My sons father paid for nothing while I was pregnant, brought a tshirt from Facebook marketplace for $5 & 1 tin of formula when he was about 10 months after I had a meltdown about it, After birthdays, Xmas, paediatric appointments and just general day-to-day living financially by myself, around 14 months I was done! If I’m doing it alone, I was as well do it on my own! Obviously there was other reasons behind our split but it all came down to me doing it on my own… I hope you can work it out but you’re definitely not being selfish, your partner clearly is & you and your children deserve better either way