Hey everyone.. I need some advice from other mums that have been through a similar situation.
My husband and I have been together 15 years, married for 10, and have three school aged children together.
I am a nurse, and as all healthcare workers would know, the struggle of shift work is real.
Things between my husband and I have not been going well for a few years now, but I have tried to suck it up and work on myself and my feelings for the kids sake. But now i’m at a point of feeling really stuck. I want to leave my marriage, but I am so torn between the guilt of ‘breaking my family’, and how do I cope as a single mum doing shift work (with limited family support).
If anyone has any advice on how they cope/manage with having school aged children and doing shift work, i’m all ears.
Thanks ladies x
12 Replies
I think without support it’s impossible to do shift work. After school care is a life saver - 6am to 6pm, but outside those times it’s really tough. Until the kids get older and oldest can watch them home alone.
Separation isn't "breaking a family". We really have to start challenging that notion because it keeps too many people (kids included) in miserable, tense, toxic and even abusive situations.
I actually had a friend in high school who used to confide in us all the time about how unpleasant her home life was due to her parents unhappy marriage. She'd tell me how lucky I was that my parents were divorced...
That right there is what the reality looks like when you stay for the kids sake. They feel it.
Most shift working single parents probably need to utilise the services of a nanny or aupair.
I’m a single parent and I work 330am-930am and get a nanny. I use a program called in home care and am eligible for child care rebate on it which helps but it was quite affordable for the hours I need without it :)
What do you do now ?
And why can’t that arrangement continue?
Probably not, because separated couples need to separate, it’s part of moving on healthily
Co parenting can be achievable. If on a night shift, kids stay with dad. Mum gets things ready when she gets home, then sends kids off to school etc. it’s part of co parenting and doesn’t need to be hard.
Do you mean mum and dad still working their daily schedule out together as a couple rather than having a parenting arrangement? In one home? In each others homes? Daily? This is absolutely not a part of coparenting, separating or moving forward. It’s not a great solution because it’s hardly likely to work well for long. Choosing not to enter into this kind of setup is not ‘making it hard’. Setting yourself up to look after your children in your time, independent of your ex, is a much more positive step to make here, for all involved.
Not exactly, but it does mean more involvement in each others lives than most want. But I’ve seen it work firsthand with colleagues.
Some do week about, and smash out heaps of nights whilst the kids are with the other parent, so they can just work 2 day shifts the next week or not work at all. It’s absolutely possible.
Can your STBX husband not look after the kids while you work?
One of my family members switched to working days in a private doctors practice. Not sure how realistic this option is but worth mentioning just in case it is an option
Not easy. I’m an emergency nurse, with school aged kids. I work a late early Mon/Tues while my Mum stays over. Then a late/early wed Thurs on their night with their Dad.
Then I work every second weekend while kids are at Dads. So no time to myself, it’s hard! But it’s doable
I'm in aged care and do shift work. 4 kids, 2 oldest are teens and from my previous relationship, I have them full-time, on early shift I wake them up before I leave they get themselves ready and walk to school, on late shift I premake food they can microwave.
My 2 other children are little. I recently droppped a few shifts and now work 3 early shifts, 2 short shifts (start 9am) and 2 late shifts a fortnight, on my early shifts they stay at their dads the night before, he drops them off when I finish work and I do school run on my short shift, he picks them up from school on my late shift and has them that night and drops them to school and I pick them up after school. It's alot of juggling and we have to communicate and co-parent well to make this work.