Has anyone married for 12+ years happily gone on to be more open? My husband and I have decided we only live once and before we age we might open up to chat to or very occasionally catch up with other people. With each others consent… we feel this might bring some confidence and excitement, we are very happy in our family dynamics and trust each other so much.
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The key thing is ground rules. Some tips:
1. Keep something sacred. Whatever it might be - keep something that is exclusive to your relationship. You want something that you both agree is special to you both. Might be kissing, might be anal, might be lingerie or toys. Just something that you can keep to yourselves that's sacred to the relationship
2. Definite ground rules clearly. One thing people don't often think about is the time this actually takes away from your relationship. So if you're on websites or apps, think about how you'd feel if the first thing you both do when getting home is sit chatting to others for an hour or more. How much time are you willing to allocate to this? Are there certain nights that you think are better for external dates and should those be reserved? For example, if Friday is external date night, you both know not to make plans with each other that night so you avoid hurt feelings, rejection and a sense of not being the priority.
3. Look at what you would both define as cheating and then consider if you can still make that work. Can you be sexual when you're not emotionally attached? Would he have a problem with you needing to feeling emotionally attached? Would you be ok with him seeing the same woman more than three times?
Open relationships can work really well, but there's a lot of nuance to consider before you ruin a 12+ year relationship. Good luck to you and I hope you find what you're looking for! Happy humping 🤣
Good luck if it works for you both go for it. I was married 12 yrs and this arrangement broke us . It ended our marriage 2 yrs later as I lost all feelings for him and i left. Look, it happens. Didn't work for the better in the end for us, but it doesn't mean yours won't survive the same. Have fun and good luck!
Your marriage is over if you are feeling the only way to find excitement is to look outside of it
Divorced almost 12 months now because of this and I thought we were confident in the rules and each other… someone always goes too far and in most cases it’s too hard to come back from. I don’t recommend it.
I personally feel that if you need to do this your marriage is already over.