Sorry it's a long post!
My fiancé and I are getting married soon and are wishing to start a family of our own. He has a child from a previous relationship and the mother is very unreasonable with split personalitys. She has moved on had another baby and is engaged yet can't seem to really move on and always has to argue over petty things because she has to be doing better and so on. I have pcos so am already struggling to conceive on our own. The ex causes me a lot of stress that I really don't need in a time like this. My partner and I have known we wanted a baby pretty much as soon as we met everything moved fast we brought a house got engaged and got a puppy! I know my partner has doubts because he doesn't get to see his son often and doesn't want him to feel that his dad doesn't want him because he loves his new baby more. What's the best way to deal with this issue? And for anyone with pcos how long did it take you to fall pregnant , what steps did you take?
Stress from fiancé's ex...
Stress from fiancé's ex...
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy
8 Replies
The only way to deal with this is realise that this is between your partner and his ex. So it's up to your partner to solve this issue. You can support him in that but you can't change it and unfortunately when you take in the man you take on his baggage. You really shouldn't have to have anything to do with the ex if you are it's time to take a step back and create some distance.
If your partner isn't getting enough time with his son he is perfectly entitled to take his ex through the mediation process to change that. Is he doing everything he could be doing?
I can understand your partners doubts, if he isn't seeing the child he has is it really good idea to have another?
I don't talk to her I stay in the car for pick up and drop offs. but being a supportive partner we talk about everything and he gets very upset by the whole thing which in turn stresses me out. She also is always commenting on me and bagging me out to him I'm fat blah blah blah have got nothing on her look how amazing and skinny she is after 2 kids and how good her life is now. He doesn't see his child because he doesn't want to we haven't spent thousands on solicitors , we got court orders she doesn't abide by them. She seems to think she is above the law and can do what she wants.
I know that I took on all of his baggage I have accepted that but when will it ever stop she has moved on why can't he.
He seriously should not be telling you what she says about you! Don't even go for pick ups and drop offs, because that just riles them up, ads to the stress!
He probably needs to find a counsellor to talk to so he has someone to unload on and talk to about the baby situation etc.
My partners ex is like this. She left him, moved on, got engaged to another man, but when I came into the picture, suddenly she still loved my partner & made a mistake leaving him. Too bad for her he had moved on from her & we are still together nearly two years later. So she went on to marry & have a baby with Her new partner, but everything involving my partner or stepdaughter, including me being in their lives, was & is still an issue. She has no say & she knows it, which is why she tries to cause trouble. It was easier said than done at the beginning, but I started ignoring her immature crap. Now I do what I like & if she can't handle it, that's her problem & not mine. I live my life to suit my family, not her. And that's how it always will be. Good luck, x
If you are worried about stress on you, Why are you getting involved, it is your partners child and his ex, stay out of it.
Agree, you can choose what you will let into your life & if it is harmful & bringing you stress choose to refuse to give it your attention.
I just wanted to point out on here from a comment on the fb post that he is very loved has his own room decorated in all the things he likes, all the toys you could imagine including education ones and I always by books and puzzles for him.he is very loved and welcomed in our home,treated like our own from my family and my partner and I and his son are a family of our own. I don't ever plan of being his mother he already has one but seeing as in a few months we will be married and I will officially be his step mother I think it's important to treat him as I would my own child. He's crys and asks to stay at daddy's house when he does go home so obviously he likes being here. I thought the page was support , there's not many supportive comments in here. All I take from it is me being selfish for wanting to add to our family.
Hi, im sorry you didnt get the support you need. I answered about choosing the stress you let into your life. I believe that & i hope it helps you. Make the choice that her & her stress will not enter your life. Know as little as possible about her & dont engage or invest your emotions & health in it. I think thats the best for you. You sound like you have the best interests of the boy at heart & if you give it time it will work out. Instead of adding the pressure of a new baby with everything, maybe work out your husbands feelings & spend some time building your relationship with the boy & then when you have a baby it may be more of the right time for everything to fall into place. I know you said your relationship moved so fast but some things take time. Best luck, i hope it works out for you. :)