I think my husband is cheating.
He almost never used to carry his phone obsessively, now its on him every inch he moves around the house. He has chat servers he no longer speaks on if im within viewing distance. He stays up talking to whoever it is into the early morning.
I don't think its physical, but who knows. He definitely has a talking relationship with someone he shouldn't and i just cant pull myself together enough to ask the question.
Maybe its because I dont want to know the response.
Ive let myself go, ive put on so much weight, mentally Im not in a great place so I'm not exactly fun to be around... obviously there are more exciting people out there
I dont know why Im posting this, Im not really looking for advice. I know I need to be a grown up and address this in a conversation. I think I just need to acknowledge it out loud so I can accept it is happening.
We have been together 13 years and my heart is just sad, and broken.
6 Replies
Maybe you can ask him and if he gets defensive or tries to make you look bad or anything I think that speaks for himself. If he really cares he should be calmish and be happy to talk it through for as long as you need too.
Please don't blame yourself, your weight or your mental health on this.
I'm sure you are a wonderful wife/mother.
You don't deserve this lovely x
You’ve identified a few things here - you need to find yourself, live your best life, find your confidence and self love. You don’t need to lose weight or solve all your mental health issues to do that.
Remember (if he is) he’s the cheater here, he’s the low value partner, it’s definitely not you!
Let me tell you firstly stop doubting yourself about your weight etc. there is absolutely no excuse for him to do this and it’s not your fault, no matter what his response would be.
He is doing this because he is a disrespectful and deceitful husband and it’s his fault, not yours.
Secondly, if you question him on this, he would only lie. I would not say a thing and I would bust his ass and get rid of him. This is me though and we are all different in what we accept in a relationship. For me, my ex is an ex for this reason. I got rid of him. I deserved better and I did find an amazing and better respectful husband eventually.
You wouldn’t know if he’s meeting her when he isn’t with you or who she is and I doubt he would ever tell you. The only way to find out is keep this to yourself and try to get hold of him phone at some point, maybe when he’s asleep but if he’s cheating, he would have a pin you don’t know and you won’t be able to get into his phone.
He is upto something. Your gut is telling you and it doesn’t lie. He is showing you with his strange behaviour. I’d do what it takes to find out, without him knowing.
Stop blaming yourself already though, it sets you up for living like this forever, being lied to and taking the blame for his selfish and deceitful actions. It’s not you. It’s him. He’s a cheating scumbag.
It sounds like he's having an emotional affair, at the very least. I would confront him and ask to see messages. If he blows up, then he's covering.
Honestly, if he's doing this then he may have checked out of your relationship, sorry to say.
You may be able to get past this as a couple if you both choose to, but that takes a lot of work on both sides, and definitely can't happen if he's going to lie about things, or doesn't want to try to salvage the marriage.
He may or may not be, I wouldn't put the writing on the wall just yet.
I think the first thing you need to do is talk to him about how you are feeling, especially about your mental health. Lay it all out there. Marriage is hard work, it requires work on both sides, but no one should ever ever turn to being unfaithful, there is zero excuse for it. If he has been unfaithful, that's on him. A decent human being would have brought up issues, not turned to someone else.
If you worry he might get defensive, I would check his Google history, its honestly the last thing people forget to clear.
Go to your Google Account.
On the left navigation panel, click Data & privacy.
Under "History settings," click My Activity.
To view your activity: Browse your activity, organized by day and time. At the top, use the search bar and filters to find specific activity